I'm sure this is an old piece, but I'll bash it a little anyway. I have to say you stay foucused on you subject and that's important. The deafening screams is a bit too cliché for my liking the rhyme while consistant is a bit grade schoolish. i guess it's not bad it you want it to be understood by an extremely large audience but i got bored with words like along wrong save grave me free it's all elementry other than you choice of words and phrasing the piece flows well and stays focused these are just personal preferences of mine to put a little more thought into which words and why. Anyway. Good flow, stays focused.
i think that this was a very well written poem and well performed challenge the way that you put yourself in that position of the person that is going through this situation and the way you said that you were trapped inside your own body and that you could not be heard by any1 but could still feel the same situation.
One thing that i would think over is the rhyming. It has few rhyming points - the first one makes the reader ( atleast me ) wait for a next but it comes only in the end. So i would try to organize and play with the words more. Otherwise it keeps nicely to the subject and makes it easy to read. So good work - maybe some tuning needed to decide if you want it to be a rhyming or non-rhyming one but it works as it is now also.