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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: (Untitled)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MuckyMuckpoop
    ASL Info:    21/M/IN
    Elite Ratio:    7.53 - 81/75/26
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 881
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1011



    Description:
       I was rumming through stuff, found a note book and saw this poem...and I liked it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots(Untitled)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Well memories made them,
    A dieing breed.
    Caught up in a moment
    They wish to breath.

    Loud whispers of respect
    Forced a boy into tears.
    Gratitude comes inside written words.

    Unspoken ideas are a fools wish,
    Congested and ignorant
    As the huddled masses
    Bite their tounges.

    Does one have enough time,
    Do become as wise as them?
    "No no you will never have enough,
    time yields nothing but sorrow."
    Now I own not a watch
    Only the flesh that is my own.

    I heard a subtle request
    From the depths of a sky,
    "Ponder me no more."

    I submitted myself
    and shared a story
    With an absent companion.

    Using only spoken words,
    The conculsion was fanatic.
    As the boy laughed at the sky,
    " I ponder you,
    time, and
    sorrow.........no more"

    -Mitchy




    Submitted on 2006-10-12 14:08:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ummmm mitch. I hear your voice read when I read your poems. Its like .... watching garfield the tv show, and then reading the comic again. You hear bill murreys voice. or whoever. So i hear your voice. and you lauging at the end. for some reason. at the sky.... but time to be serious...

    Well memories made them,
    A dieing breed.
    Caught up in a moment
    They wish to breath.

    Its unclear here what the "them" is, I feel like there maybe needs to be something preceeding these lines...

    "Unspoken ideas are a fools wish,
    Congested and ignorant
    As the huddled masses
    Bite their tounges."

    I love this part... I'm surprised this poem didn't surface earlier.

    "Do become as wise as them?"

    To?

    "No no you will never have enough,
    time yields nothing but sorrow."
    Now I own not a watch
    Only the flesh that is my own.

    I really like this part, but i feel like your spacing is a bit too uniform, perhaps you should try some variations..

    I feel like this could have even ended here... although I do like the end. I think you should rework this a little... but I like it..

    Last night was sooooo fun. haha. ahhhhhh
    love you kiddo
    wendy
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by girlunderglass | [ Reply to This ]


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    121371

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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