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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Second Bestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 332



    Description:
       i wrote this one in history class too...its just as good as the other...help greatly appreciated thanx


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Second Bestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    unexpected
    sensational
    enjoyable

    he comes
    i advance
    we embrace

    hot, sexy, smart
    i count the good qualities
    all the right reasons
    but no matter how hard i try
    i can't forget
    the fact that you loved her first
    and i am second best




    Submitted on 2006-10-12 14:25:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the interesting twist you give at the end. I like the beginning how it's so great that you're with him, but at the end you realize you're not his first. It makes me look at things differently.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice display of emotions which are the same for all ages.

    the use of single words is good but using punctuation on them might help.

    perhaps...

    unexpected,
    sensational...
    enjoyable!

    You might like Obsidian, my featured poem. It's written just for teenaged girls.

    Donn
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a really good write. i cant pay attention in history either. it sicks when you really really like a guy and A) he knows it, but doesnt feel the same or B) doesnt know and you cant tell him. *sigh* oh well. i liked the lines "count the good qualities/all the right reasons" i like the way you organized it. adjectives, short sentences, and then the body of the poem. usually i hate picking poems apart like that, so i am sorry. anyway, really good write, good structure. keep it coming.

    TomorrowIsToday
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by PoeticNonsense | [ Reply to This ]


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    121374

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