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    dots Submission Name: **Frost-Bitten Autumndots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 662
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1032

       Walking home from school..it was like this

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Frost-Bitten Autumndots

    On a frost-bitten autumn
    Leaves fall to the ground
    A lonely girl walks
    Not leaving a sound.

    Wind whipping her bangs
    Which fall to her eyes
    From the disorganized ponytail
    Held together with blue ties.

    A gust of cold wind
    Blows snow round her face
    Chilling her to the bone
    As she quickens her pace.

    She looks down at her feet
    Moving faster every step
    One, two, three go
    A running stride is met.

    Her hunter green vest
    Transformed to white
    Her navy blue jeans
    Not feeling quite right.

    Her house is near
    Just one more block
    Her arms hundle round her
    As she slows to a walk.

    As she enters the door
    Steaming heat escapes
    Fogging her glasses
    Letting her arms drape.

    All this and more
    Or so I've been told
    Happens on a frost-bitten autumn
    So beware of the cold.

    Submitted on 2006-10-12 14:42:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's a beautifully painted picture inside my mind's eye. The scenery is described so clearly. I can feel the cold and wind and at the end the warmth of the home taking the chill from my bones.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good; you can literally picture the girlsí journey home. And for some reason it makes me almost able to feel the chill of the winds. I would also say though that you shouldn't use autumn twice in the same stanza, it makes it sound a little odd. But other than that itís an enjoyable read.

    Linzi xx
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolutely beautiful. Loads of sweet imagery. Makes me feel the chill wind. I'd rewrite the last stanza though, saying autumn twice interupts the flow a little. Other than that, it's wicked.
    | Posted on 2006-10-12 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]

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