Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rest In Piecesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 603/832/351
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 140
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1627



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRest In Piecesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking around from what became of me,
    And I look at the twilights of my misery.
    A dawn of once a new day,
    Trying to find out how I got this way.

    Saying all the words that I know,
    Trying to live this life before I go.
    Nothing can ever feel so wrong,
    Of this pain inside of me that's stayed so long.

    Somewhere out there holds my place,
    If I can gather these problems that I face.
    Would I be okay for the coming tommorrow?
    Or would I still feel so haunted and hollow?

    Tears fall down my eyes,
    But no one hears me when they cry.
    And I burden myself with the worries,
    That just keep following me.

    Will there be a new day in my life?
    Will happiness be my bride, my precious wife?
    Is the key to happiness love?
    Tell me, so I can get this hate out of my blood.

    Please tonight let my eyes rest,
    As I build these remenissions for my nest.
    Tommorrow is a new day maybe it'll be better,
    But my mind changes just like the weather.

    There's really no reason I should be like this,
    And I regret all the things in life I miss.
    And I want to have my feelings to show,
    So you could heal them and me you'll know.

    Just believe what's crawling in my skin,
    And I'll try to relive the life that's dead within.
    I'm trying to make it, I'm trying to move on,
    At least I know your there for me all along.







    Submitted on 2006-10-13 01:26:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Your poems are so amazing. I love some many verses in this poem.
    I think this stanza is my favorite:

    Will there be a new day in my life?
    Will happiness be my bride, my precious wife?
    Is the key to happiness love?
    Tell me, so I can get this hate out of my blood.

    Cuz you never know the key to happiness and how and when are we ever going to find it?

    Anyways, amazing poem. I loved it all. You are an awsome writer. Keep em coming. :)
    | Posted on 2006-11-17 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is pretty emotional and actually sad to read... I wish i could use another word for sad because i think it's more meaningful than that but somehow my mind is stuck on sad.

    I believe your title was well thought of...the first thing i thought was Rest in peace...close enough. I also think that your piece is well linked to the title as well as the words itself.

    My only problem somehow was the word "Life". It's been used a bit too many times in this piece and in the ending when it was suppose to mean a lot, it just wasn't there.

    I also think some of your rhymes were forced such as:

    Will happiness be my bride, my precious wife?

    But my mind changes just like the weather.

    And I regret all the things in life I miss.

    If I can gather these problems that I face.

    Other than that, I think so many of us think like that. we're faced with so much of unhappiness that it just breaks us up and when we do try to find the pieces, it's hell, the only easy way out of this is to be more miserable...But the good part of this is hope, the fact that someone will be there for you no matter how hard things become. Just that simple faith.

    Good piece...
    Take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good but sad.

    "Is the key to happiness love?
    Tell me, so I can get this hate out of my blood."

    I love that part. Creative and meaningful


    "Tommorrow is a new day maybe it'll be better,
    But my mind changes just like the weather."

    i know what you mean.

    "There's really no reason I should be like this,
    And I regret all the things in life I miss."

    That part made me so sad because i can relate and it is a hoorible way to feel and to live. Its alot of emotion the you managed to put in few words.

    "Just believe what's crawling in my skin,
    And I'll try to relive the life that's dead within.
    I'm trying to make it, I'm trying to move on,
    At least I know your there for me all along."

    I like the way you ended this. The beginning way alright but it kept getting better as you continued. I loved it.


    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poems are as enriched with meaning like music to me..for some reason I'm thinking of Godsmack lol..I know that's odd, but I am thinking of that song "Hollow"....

    I see that fear is the main culprit here...you want to move on, and you want to begin again. From the title "rest in pieces" it's almost as though you gathered all the pieces after a tiring hunt, yet you have yet to glue them back together.

    My ultimate favorite line was:

    "Will there be a new day in my life?
    Will happiness be my bride, my precious wife?
    Is the key to happiness love?
    Tell me, so I can get this hate out of my blood."

    It's just so beautifully said and so metaphorical. "Will happiness be my bride"...you want to "wed" so to say "happiness" as though this mutual relationship will have an affect on your life for tomorrow..To wed also can symbolize a new beginning which is what you crave.
    You carry that act of mutual relations later on in the poem, especially the ending:

    "Just believe what's crawling in my skin"

    It would be expected for a companion to believe and entrust themselves within their partner. You seem to also be looking for respect and dignity.

    Wow is this the poem you said you were just going to write like 10 minutes ago when you pmed me? How do you come up with poems so fast?! That's talent ..wow I envy you....

    ~darkrose16
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by darkrose16 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121412



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry