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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: force.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: narcolepsy
    ASL Info:    19/F/Pa
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 129/135/60
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1089
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 364



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsforce.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    a force is

    a push
    or a pull

    in one direction
    or another

    i'm being pushed away
    and pulled into the dark

    forced into exile

    no one wants me
    and lotus is wilting
    his eyes welling
    sitting helpless he said
    i don't like feeling this way.




    Submitted on 2006-10-13 10:36:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      May I suggest a line breqk so your final line stands un attached.

    reading this, I think it might be cool to start the poem with your stasis, the push pull that makes not feel well, stated as something like

    I am sitting here and can't help thinking that


    which kind of makes the poem more circular, and the 2 of you more opposite, yet each unmoving...or perhaps revolving like planets...?

    great write..

    koster
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      This is deep
    I have to say I do have felt this way many times in the past
    It wasnt until I realized you first have to Love yourself before you can Love another that life started becoming happier and It was much easier to throw the negativity away from soul
    I strongly believe a positive attitude is the secret to Happiness
    Please try and remain Positive
    I promise you I know through experience there is happiness after all the pain
    God Bless
    Excellent Write!!
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance I just added 2 new writes I would love to hear your opinion on
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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