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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: my love ur saving medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: girly101
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 287/237/138
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1221



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmy love ur saving medots
    -------------------------------------------


    tears of blood stream down my face
    i feel i dont fit in this place
    like im an invader to this race

    but every time i hear ur voice
    or see ur name
    my life seems much more than shame

    life is worth it for that little while
    i even begin to smile

    with out u
    i am nothing
    i swear im not bluffing

    but now when ur not hear my life stops
    my happiness pops

    now i need u to be happy
    i need u to be free
    without u i dont no what would become of me

    every moment im not with u i feel lost
    every moment seems a centurie
    every day an eternity

    i allways wanna quit and drop out
    just finish life,thats what is gonna happen in the end

    but right now i have this freind
    this person i love
    who is like the angels above

    so ill stay a while longer
    he is making me stronger

    he is doing somthing no ones ever done to me
    he is loving me for who i am,not what i could be

    he is the best
    above the rest

    and best of all he loves me





    Submitted on 2006-10-13 15:18:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      mmm I somewhat agree with Lia, it does seem forced.... as if you have to really think hard about writing this piece. Although that is a downside to this work you have posted... an upside is that I do like it... and I do like the rhyme... just seemed a lil too much not the rhyme but the way its put .. anyhow good job..:)

    ~*Jackie*~
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem seemed way too forced. I get what you're trying to say, you can't live without this person, but still, it doens't have to rhyme, try free form, it might work better with this peace. And some of your word choices didn't fit with the idea of this piece either...

    "with out u
    i am nothing
    i swear im not bluffing"

    Namely the word bluffing...

    "but now when ur not hear my life stops
    my happiness pops"

    ...and the word pops...



    Lia
    | Posted on 2006-10-13 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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