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    dots Submission Name: Talking with the Deaddots

    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 376

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    dotsTalking with the Deaddots

    In my conversations
    with the dead
    Nothing's seen yet
    lots it said
    For words in books
    come to life
    The world remains
    full of strife
    Jonathon, Emerson
    VanGogh too
    Help me with
    what I do
    With God observing
    All in All
    Humanity's phone rings
    I must take the call...

    Submitted on 2004-05-25 18:12:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "Nothing's seen yet
    lots it said" --> {reviewer looks around wildly for some sort of explanation.} I don't even know what to say. This doesn't make logical sense. Please stop writing now.

    I know, I know. Sometimes, when writing useless poetry, it may seem interesting and/or deep to pull random famous people's names out of your ass.
    ex. "Jonathon, Emerson
    VanGogh too" ... etc. Unfortunately, it only makes you seem pretentious. Also, it's painful to see you butcher their names {gag}.

    "Humanity's phone rings
    I must take the call..." ---> now, THAT is a classic line. Imagery is alright and all, but it has to make sense. You have the subtlety of a deranged weasel. I'm not sorry.

    And lastly, "With God observing" I will hunt you down and force you to read well-written poetry.
    | Posted on 2004-07-24 00:00:00 | by purple dinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not too sure why.., Yet...Your po'em feels good inside to read. Thank you, so.., for sharing something with heart
    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a good premise for a poem, but I think you could do a lot more with it. Perhaps as free verse. The rhyme is a bit forced and the meter is off in places, like
    Jonathon, Emerson, VanGogh too
    Help me with, what I do.
    Seems off balance, but if the second line were
    helps me with the things I do
    you get the balanced number of beats.
    But my big question is, while you are having conversations with these great dead authors, do they acknowledge your side of the conversation?

    | Posted on 2004-05-25 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]

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