Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

I am

Author: Max R.
Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 33 /29 /17
Words: 105
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 729
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 583


I am

I am the boy, whose lost his soul

I am the girl, whose heart you stole.

I am the one without any goal.

I am the one who sits in the back.

I am the child, without a lunch sack

I am the one who hates being black.

I am the one who thinks dark thoughts.

I am the one who will not be bought.

I am the one whose never been caught

I am the one who wants to be free.

Whoever I may be,
I think it’s clear
Who I am here

Submitted on 2006-10-13 16:58:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  ooooo that was kool. i like the end and then the whole way is from different people. yeah its simple.

Da Grim Reaperess
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem is very interesting and what makes it very interesting is that there are many different people in this poem that are being introduced to us the audience and not just being introduced but being allowed to see what is the deepest struggle for all of them in all their different perspective

much LOVE
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by James Reyna | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel like I just met you! even though I don't have a picture to go with it. I have a poem that is like this one, I think these poems about who we are, is way of telling people, who don't see what we really are just what they want us to be! I think this is really good. I look forward to reading more of your writings!

| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by javajunkie | [ Reply to This ]
  This is interesting, even though the punctuation was neverwhere near consistant and distracted my from vitaly paying attention fully to your poem. It's suggestive of many things; the initial two sentence on their own have lead an epic war. It's the battle of the sexes, which mind you is still there within one shell - one person. The next two suggest isolation which could easily be link to the basic philosophical question that most of the orthodox consider: Are we alone in this unverse? Furthermore, am I alone inside? (as opposed to being loved whilst reciprocally loving.) The following two, being verses five and six, suggest poverty and discrimination - mind you against one's self prodominantly - which are often signs of an underdog, of somebody just like everybody forced to deal with problems unlike everybody - often molding him into a better person, if not tainted by this fact itself and therein corrupted by pride. The next few lines tend to reflect betterment, even if portrayed in a darker sense. Nobody doesn't have dark thoughts, and usually those who have the most and who are truely human inside get a taste of just how bad it can be - and if they are virtuous enough before it is too late - and tend to drift away from bad, but not into good because of a 'shameful', yet natural past. One who shan't be bought, is one who has integrity, and whose veracity to himself is factual. The last two verse, before that little paragraph like stanza, are paradoxal but only if the psyche is neglected. One is often never caught when commiting crimes against oneself, or often by being judged as a bad person - often by oneself - and having been neglected to be put down or tried. One who wants to be free tends to be selfish, almost in nature, but also free from himself - and this is striving to transcend our animal instincts and our human flaws.

The final stanza, I read myself as being both overly complexe and simple at once. The simple minded reader may see this as an easy conclusion: You are clearly a poet! Or, you are clearly a confused person. But can one really say that these are clear conclusions after hacing just read a few overly simple sentences about you? Of course, you do hand us the simple assumptions. And I do believe I am overthinking this whole poem, and impose a different - slightly fuller - meaning then what you seeked to express. Oh well.


P.S: I enjoy psychology, and this was like a fun game for me. Almost trying to decipher your psyche through your poem. Lo, I need a life!
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?