[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: You, Me, and an Army of Beautiful Treesdots

    Author: RedRoseofBlood
    ASL Info:    19/f/outsideyourwindow
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 592/582/135
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1068
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1113


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou, Me, and an Army of Beautiful Treesdots

    An army of beautiful trees
    Staring back at me
    As I gaze meaningfully
    Past them

    The breath flowing from your lips
    Rushes past my fingertips
    In an attempt
    To silence you

    The words just keep coming
    In lengthy streams
    Your voice elevating
    As you speak of me

    If I could
    I would
    Make good
    On my promises

    You call me a liar
    Say I couldn't tame my desire
    Couldn't do what you require
    Well, that is probably true

    I didn't do as you expected
    I was neglected
    My affections redirected
    That was your fault

    If the sun shone just right
    And I held you tight
    I thought I just might
    Be able to make up for my mistakes

    But I see I was wrong
    So this is so long
    The effective swan song
    To a love that once was

    So walk among the stones
    Reap what you have sown
    You ended up alone
    And I have no feelings of guilt

    Submitted on 2006-10-14 18:21:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The two 'figures' are really special: "An army of trees" and "Walk among the stones". They contrast with each other to mark the start and the finish. These true story poems of figuring out what happened - they tend to come out in straight narrative and statements, instead of getting deliberately worked into striking metaphors like a less spontaneous piece. But the two metaphors in this poem are like a frame for a picture; and I got a buzz out of that. They are so strong because the trees are real when it all happened, but the stones are fantasy, they're a figure of speech when the other person is gone and after all your thoughts ... There's pleasure in reading a subtle and complete pattern like that ... Should I get pleasure out of such a sad story, just because of the way it's told? I guess a fellow poet has an excuse for that!
    | Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a quite strange combination of words but in a good way. I think it's quite creatively written. I was drawn by the title which is really something.
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really nice actually, I didn't quite care for the rhyme scheme to begin with, but as it went on I began to really love it.

    I really liked the way it flowed, it actually came off like it would work well as an R&B song..
    | Posted on 2006-10-14 00:00:00 | by Pprophet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]