interesting to say the least......a truly powerful message from within........i suggest dont rewrite this one but perhaps give it a sibling, almost a completion to the thoughts this one suggested.....very well done i must say though, dont lose that powerful edge please
It felt a bit soft and some of the words you used were really strong and didn't seem like they fit the tone of the poem. I wouldn't mind reading it a bit more detailed. You know, so we know exactly how you feel. I think that may bring more powerful emotion that I thought it was lacking....If that makes sense?
I really did enjoy this poem. I also think that it is a very good start to a great write! :) ```Chrissy```
i agree that you could do more with this.. like when you write of rage, i want to hear the rage when i read it, like what these people have done that is so unkind.. i think you could flesh this out and make it more powerful so that it grabs the reader by the throat, so that we can feel the torment and the dismay. you've got a great start, though. i'd be curious to see an edited version..
thanks for sharing. i'm sorry that you've had to feel these things and do hope it has gotten better.