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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Back Of The Basementdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1259
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 861



    Description:
       I know it's overdone. I can't help it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBack Of The Basementdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She screams but no one smiles.
    Your shoes were meant to dance.
    Dripping to the carpet, love
    gives up one last chance.
    In memories so perfect,
    her hair twists into knots.
    From the back of the basement,
    you couldn't hear the shots.

    She said that love is a gun,
    and to die is to feel,
    but you chose not to listen
    as she chose not to heal.

    Now standing on the corner,
    amidst a thousand lights,
    your fingertips match her lips,
    so pale and cocaine white.

    Shadows of a heart once warm
    lie hidden in the trees.
    Winter takes the leaves away
    so branches learn to freeze.
    They say a day's not over
    if memories are made,
    so even when you try to run,
    know part of her has stayed.




    Submitted on 2006-10-15 01:09:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it...dont know why but the pic you got reminds me of the used...
    cocaine white, like that...
    things that come to the mind:
    rape, murder, dance club, drugs (junkies)

    its creepy and dreamish...i like it a lot...
    its like water, nothing is sticking out or sounds bizarre, its smooth
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this its awsome,u allways have such wonderfull poems!!there my type i dont like very much happy poems,i like some olve poems and tons of deppressing one lol,so ur poems r awsome to read.love ya sis.

    ttyl~safire~
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
      *is a sucker for sad depressing poetry* And this one really hit the spot :) Eloquent as always - your work always inspires me, although the reult pales in comparison to your brilliant works!

    ~Mandi gayle~
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      I know I usaully don't argue with you; or woman in general, not a good idea. But Here I go again, you are wrong! It is not overdone. It is however not your best, you can do better. This seems like one of those things you kinda wrote almost slightfully forced because you wanted to write. And used some adequette symolies and to denote than in whihch you can portray mastifully. Don't get me wrong this isn't intened as criticism, I like it; but far from your best, and what you did write is lacking the usual from you, doesn't seem your all, in any apect. But that's my perception, bye now
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      your poems are always so beautiful!! even if they're morbid O.o
    you are definetly the most creative word-maker thingy writer i have ever read. how do you think of how to write like that?

    i personally liked the line abotu takign the leaves away so branches learn to freeze

    i'd type more, but skool is almost out. i loved this piece!
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did such a beautiful job writing a piece that is entirely you. Every line was right in tune with the parts of you I know, sometimes i feel like you write about a distant place, but this one was a sillhouette of your heart in its current condition. Great write nikki, this is beautiful.

    Oh, and I don't usually like rhyming poems but this rhyme doesn't seem forced to me at all.

    Cheers
    Tom
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this line"She screams but no one smiles."
    To me it brings meaning to this whole poem! Your poem are the best Nikki!!!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Really liked this....(reads it again)...Really, really liked this, nice visuals, It painted a beautifully disturbing / disturbingly beautiful picture for me, the end of each stanza just grabs you.

    Maybe the overall content or subject is one I see allot of that would be my only critique, but of the genre this would be one of the better examples


    Thanks,
    Stan
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by StanKross | [ Reply to This ]
      Happiness is a warm gun, I really like your writing style You have a gift for taking the reader on a ride and landing them perfectly on there feet at the end of the poem, The expressions that you use are so well thought out in a strange way make a profound statement. This is definatly a fav. Thanks, Will (Twice)
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by Twice | [ Reply to This ]
      ooohhh, sad. im sorry but i have to gather myself. This was amazing. So beautiful and well written. im upset now but its worth it. it just kept getting better and better and more beautiful and so overwhelming for someone like me. I cant give you a favorite part unless i were to copy and paste you whole poem. Its perfect.


    Your are a creative genious.

    yours truly,
    your biggest fan for life,
    Samm
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    121593

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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