Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Fran Maguire
Elite Ratio:    1.82 - 1 /4 /5
Words: 99
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 727
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 673



Shallow liaisons do not stem,
The screaming pain of an empty soul.
Stifling heart and solemn calm
Stiffen, this ever,...painful stroll

Sombre moods and sorrowful yearning,
Of simple times when seventeen
A score and ten of silent dreaming
Seduced by a separate life unseen

Stoic future without one loved
A time that will never be left behind
An angel’s name indelibly scribed
Upon the stone of stringent mind

And surely when I spend my final hours
I know that I shall remember what was once ours

© Fran Maguire 2006

Submitted on 2006-10-15 02:26:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I thought this was very good. The flow and rhyme is first rate and the theme is just right for the words you used.

| Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  There's a lot of potential here and the poem starts off nicely.I like the first two stanzas,especially the second one.You use interesting rhymes and language.What happened in the third verse? The third line seems not to fit at all (unless I'm reading it wrongly).I'm not really a big fan of changing the style and adding just two lines at the end instead of a full stanza either,but here it works well.Interesting piece,which was enjoyable to read.
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Asakura Cowboy | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?