If I could.... by Luanne

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Submission Name: If I could.... dots

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Author:	Luanne
ASL Info:	35/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:	8 - 11/0/2
Words:	142

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	160
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	1053

Description:
Author's note : When I try to sleep at night words are constantly flowing through my head . "Poems in the making" I guess you could say . Many times I have wished for these thoughts to stop . For I have had many sleepless nights .

But ...a poet never sleeps so I've heard .

If I could.... dots

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If...
I could remove this hat of mentation
releasing it to the wind

I...
would no longer dive, deeply in thought
drowning in a sea of words

Could...
this ink sleep quietly, beneath a silver moon
leaving me in peace

Release...
this mind consumed by restless nights
to sleep in tranquility

These...
escaped emotions freely, blowing in the wind
my thinking cap removed

Thoughts...
colored by feelings, portraits painted by words
weeping canvas

For...
constantly juggling a million words in my head
is unbearably painful

A ...
path worn bare, by many sleepless nights
my mind walks

Day...
of poetic poverty, where words are scarce
shall leave me refreshed

And tomorrow the wind shall return my hat
my thinking cap, sturdily in place
for a poet never sleeps

Submitted on 2006-10-15 03:29:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This was great, Luanne! You have an unusual and amazing talent! By the way, I have a poem with the same title, and just posted it here yesterday. What a coincidence; that two poems with the same title would turn up at the same location.
| Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  "Hi Luanne, welcome to Elite skills. You have got off to a fine start with this poem, and I trust there will be many more. The poem flows well and puts us (briefly) into your mind place. I have a question, however, regarding the word 'mentation' (last word 2nd line). I can't find it in my dictionary. Did you mean meditation? Personaly I know what you mean and if there is no such word, then there should be and you could take credit for coining it. Anyway, good job with this----Mugs---
| Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by mugsy | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I really love how you constructed this poem,
Your imagery is soft and gentle, and shows great longing and pain,
I could really feel your message and I believe that that is the mark of a great poet,
Welcome to Elite (I'm new myself) and I look foward to reading more of your poems as you post them,
If you get a free minute I could use some critique on my poems.
Thanks,
Will (Twice)
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Twice | [ Reply to This ]
  I can't believe no one has commented on this piece yet! Talk about a great poem. I love how you layed it out, with the "If I could release these thoughts for a day" and with each word you use the first word when you talk about what it's like to be a writer with all the thoughts rolling around in your head! I very good read! I really enjoyed! I'm going to add this to my favorites!!!

~Amy
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by javajunkie | [ Reply to This ]
  This is the work of a poet. I love the originality of how those first words form a sentence of its own while keeping it as the first word of each verse. It don't know how you came up with it, but it works.
Katana
| Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
  The layout and structure is really good. The theme is very original and I am sure many people will relate to these sleepless nights.

Well done.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  I absolutely LOVE. Wait, make that **LOVE** the structure of this poem.

It's so original...it just blows me away. I don't even know what to say.

Amazing job.

Charlese
| Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]

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