Description: The last line merely refers to merging dissimilar things.
A Stew of Sleepy Nonsense -------------------------------------------
Today my thoughts are suicidal
surrendering their lives long before fruition.
I think in sentences
that die before they're spoken
by my mind's voice.
Images, sounds, sensations materialize
with no borders
and blend into a stew of sleepy nonsense
that I rummage through
in hopes of finding something worthwhile
even if it's like gluing a domino to a kiss.
it's funny, cause "my thoughts are suicidal" makes one think that you're contemplating suicide, yet taken literally it has a completely different meaning, as you've displayed here. Your actual thoughts are killing themselves before you get a chance to speak or act on them, or really even recognize them, thus a continuous string of partial thoughts totaling up to apparent nonsense. Very clever. The title screams for the poem to be read...
that last line...I'm not sure if you couldn't come up with something all at once nonsensical and yet meaningful on a kinda covert level. then again, maybe you have.
Hey sweetie, Sorry it took me soooo long to get to this! :( Bad friend.
I know you don't mind. Okay, now onto your piece. I like the comparing of your thoughts to suicide for some reason. It just makes me think that what ever you are thinking you do not want to think. You want to cut everything out of your mind and feel peace again. Sort of like meditation I guess. Even the ending line, "like gluing a domino to a kiss" is intriguing because often you just want to be or do something other than you are supposed to. You want to be random and break out from the norm. That's what I got from this piece anyway. Good job sis! Lots of hugs and love! <3
Ah! I know these days all too well... and how they seem to abound as of late! When every idea dies before it can turn into something, and you can't find a muse anywhere. Yes... I know these days all too well.
And, I liked this; a lot. Clever, as always. However (and this strikes me as odd, coming from you), I think you should add the necessary puncuation to this. It can stand with out it, but I think it would strengthen the poem if it were present. However... in running theme of "a stew of sleepy nonsense," it makes sense that it sort of bleeds together in the absence of punctuation.
first of all, i love the title "A Stew of Sleepy Nonesense." that's just a great image. this is pretty much the way i've been feeling lately about my writing.. just a jumble of words that i search through in order to try and make some sense of them. the last line is great, as we sometimes just glue words together, hoping for something that can be understood.
you often have such quirky images in your work, unlike anyone i've ever read before. and that is a beautiful thing, just like you!
I like the subtle way you've hidden your meaning in this. You have to be paying attention or you'll miss it.
today my thoughts are suicidal surrendering their lives long before fruition I think in sentences that die before they're spoken by my mind's voice images, sounds, sensations materialize with no borders and blend into a stew of sleepy nonsense that I rummage through in hopes of finding something worthwhile even if it's like gluing a domino to a kiss
What that first line does is immediately draw me into the poem. I like "stew of sleepy nonsense" it's really funny. Also, "gluing a domino to a kiss" is a bright image too.
I'm always happy to read something new, Amy. This is nice!
I love the opening of this since it describes my mind on way too many days. Your descriptions and metaphores all the way through are strong and produce a smile of affermation from me as i read. The domino and kiss may not be the best comparrison. While they are unique, they also need a footnote or they're just taken as nonsense (which works here too).
I liked the simplicity, or the bluntness rather, that you gave to this write. To be honest when I read the word 'suicidal' I thought "oh no not another suicide related rant," but I see now this isn't what this poem's about. I can relate to the ideas you described about words coming in and out of your mind before you can do anything with them. I liked the sudden ending using the unlike ideas together (domino and kiss). I seemed to stumble over the third line so I think maybe that could be worded better. Also, the fourth, fifth, and sixth lines seem to link as one sentance, however, for me the line breaks were distracting. Maybe punctuation could be used there and throughout the poem to ease the flow a little. I enjoyed the read very much, it is an impressive write indeed.