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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stick figuresdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1179
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1426



    Description:
       if i could draw a couple of stick figures here I would---you are smart people !!?,?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstick figuresdots
    -------------------------------------------


    stick figures
    --------------


    -Not much is ever gonna change

    We'll always suffer

    amongst each other

    gathering in our circle of pain

           ----

    -it's what I know I can rely on

    Structure the stick figures

    it figures, they'll soon all fall

    after all, it's one thing that's right on

    sanity and the fraid it hangs on

           ----

    -a friendly slap to your face

    to make you feel

    less like the person you were

    when you inflicted the disgrace

    to put you back in your place

           -----

    -hours of madness

    to correct our mess

    of disfunction and failure

    it's all I ever was

    it's all I ever saw in you

    it is what makes this so beautifull

    two sticks forever lieing amongst the rubble

            ----



    lamemansterms





    Submitted on 2006-10-15 06:07:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      HHmm,
    If i didn't know any better, i'd say this is what love is all about. these words especially highlighted my thoughts:

    hours of madness

    to correct our mess

    of disfunction and failure

    it's all I ever was

    it's all I ever saw in you

    it is what makes this so beautifull

    two sticks forever lieing amongst the rubble

    I pictured me and my b/f....We have so many hours on our hands and all we can do is argue over things we don't need to argue and do things we don't really mean on doing but at the end of this entire relationship, it looks so wonderful even sometimes perfect because you can feel that this is how destiny works and how faith tests you.

    I really don't know if i got your message right but i liked the interpretation that i got from it. Please highlight me if i got it wrong.

    Other than that, i absolutely loved your format...the format blew me away...

    Anyhow Take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      First let me say that I completely love this format, with the every other line and the --- breaks. It makes the reader slow down and almost pause to deliberate what they're actually reading.

    a friendly slap to your face

    to make you feel

    less like the person you were

    when you inflicted the disgrace

    to put you back in your placeó


    this is by far my favorite part of this piece. It fits so well together it's like these words were destined to be together. I love the idea of disgrace being the chain reaction of the slap and being put in your place, but listing it in a different order...in doing that, simple words and short sentences become much much stronger.

    anyway, so pretty much I just wanted to say you did a really nice job on this, especially in the formatting.
    nice job
    N.K
    | Posted on 2006-10-15 00:00:00 | by Never Known | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with never known, the way this is set out gives makes this an easy read. i like this, it's not quite what i expected from your description, but it's different, and that is always a good thing.
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    121622

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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