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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: smiling in blackdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dismentled
    ASL Info:    26/M/"South of Heaven"
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 625/583/217
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 1051
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1085



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssmiling in blackdots
    -------------------------------------------


    excomunicate me, my god
    hanging me from a black cross
    blood flowing from open wounds
    upon a world raped for you
    eyes falling distantly somber
    upon my sweet abysmal grave
    for the broken, bleeding soul
    that you just, couldn't save!

    This is me,
    smiling in black!
    this is me,
    take it or leave it!

    dominatrix of the withcing hour
    so submissive, feel the power?
    even in the darkest of dreams
    bloodshed nightmares curdling screams!
    can you feel these words pentrate?
    narcasstic "god" with a condeming fate
    another line of blasphemous misery
    I guess it's just what worx for me!


    I scream along with my misery!
    I scream to keep me, alive;
    I scream to remove the demons,
    though in vain, i will die!

    this is me,
    take it or leave it!
    this is me
    smiling in black!
    this is me,
    smiling in black;
    this is me,
    saying good bye!




    Submitted on 2006-10-15 17:54:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      dude this is some psyco [censored] it makes me think of when some one looses every thing and become some evil [censored]er you know when some one becomes evil they look evil thats the image i get from this dont ask me i dunno why but i can just picture a guy in a black suit with fully black eyes telling a class of kids this.

    and this stanza blew me away

    dominatrix of the withcing hour
    so submissive, feel the power?
    even in the darkest of dreams
    bloodshed nightmares curdling screams!
    can you feel these words pentrate?
    narcasstic "god" with a condeming fate
    another line of blasphemous misery
    I guess it's just what worx for me!

    'narcasstic' i havent heard this in a long time some one said i was narcasstic and can kinda relate i think but no way in [censored] hell am i narcasstic i think its cool that you put that in there and about god as well that took the biscuit :D [censored] cool imagery made me think i like that keep it comming

    Rak
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by dark figure | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece has brilliant words, ideas, thoughts, and is expressed very very nicely. However the misplaces and lacking puncuation and inconsistent ryhme did turn me off just a bit. I think you should go back and maybe work on that because this piece is truely original and amazing.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by beldolore | [ Reply to This ]
      this is me commenting; although you never comment on mine anymore *pouts only cause she's really sad and feels like being emo today....tonight....whatever.* narcassitic and blasphemous are some of the kewlest words in existance; probably explaining why I almost never use them....I'd be kewl if I were dead but that's an entirely different matter altogether. I liked this one a lot; probably cause it brought a lot of disturbing images to mind; although i do gotta say you can be one super-depressing writer sometimes now I feel like I gotta be more depressing or I'll be a failure there too....what the [censored] am I talking about? I am a failure as a writer; thus explaining my inability to write anything worth reading. (like this comment, yep.) [censored] I'm ranting aren't I? * goes to panic by herself in a corner b/c she won't be wasting anyone else's time there.*
    byes,
    <3 ~jess~
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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    121667

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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