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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crystal Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AngelinDisguise
    ASL Info:    23/F/AUS
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 133/171/100
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 893
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 311



    Description:
       this is just sumfin random i wrote
    i know i can improve it but i dont know how atm


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrystal Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    crystal heart
    broken tears
    shatterd glass
    iron fears
    empty mind
    stupid choice
    mistakes ive made
    the path i lead
    life of choices
    as i face my fears
    time to erase
    the pain and hurt
    as i put back together my crystal heart




    Submitted on 2006-10-15 18:10:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The last few lines get off the rhythmic track I think you were trying to accomplish.

    Just a suggestion:

    Instead of,
    "life of choices
    as i face my fears"

    Maybe,
    "life of choices,
    facing fears"

    It kind of puts the piece back on track.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Lipgl0ssed | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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