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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stale Matedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 399
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2316



    Description:
       Needs work, this isn't finished. BUt I needed to get it out. This is a situation that I encountered...a conversation with a fellow. This guy is someone I grew up with an trusted...then he stole something of value from me...then he came to my house and spoke in riddles to tell me he did it...this is when the conversation of his conscience came up, if he believes in God, how can he say and do the things he's done. He doesn't want a conscience and he doesn't seem to mind the thought of hell. I guess I just cannot comprehend that. There is more here, in the text...but that is where it was inspired from.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStale Matedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A maple to her left, an oak to her right. He stood in her path, blocking her from walking on. She had a moment to notice the outlining yellow on the red and orange leaves of the maple. And the branches of the oak bent down to scratch the top of her head. The stranger laughed, to spite her. She glared into his eyes. He spoke to her.

    "I'm trying to get rid of my conscience. To be free of guilt and doubt, human emotions."

    "To be evil?" she asked him.

    "To be free" he answered.

    "I thought you believed in God?"
    "I do"
    "Aren't you afraid of going to hell?"
    "I believe this is surely my fate, and there is nothing I could do to save myself"

    The girl looked up at the stranger in complete awe. There was nothing about this she could understand. He had seemed to be naturally good, his look was pleasant, his vioce was sincere...yet this man was evil. Without a conscience how was he to know what was good and bad? And shouldn't this matter? He believed in God, in hell, yet he did nothing but try and make himself numb to guilt to save himself. Did he want to go to Hell? Did he actually believe it even existed. She had heard of people who believed in God but not Hell. If it was a free conscience, a lack of one he desired, it seemed that he was a paradox, or simply didn't care. The fact that he didn't want a conscience made it seem that he in fact had none. For who could want this and still be good.

    " What would you do without a conscience?"

    "What needs to be done"

    "Then you are playing God"

    "Without a conscience, why does it matter?"

    "But you believe in God!" The girl cried.

    "I am meant for Hell!" He replied with a smile.

    His smile made her nervous, she believed she was in a presence of something wicked. Something evil. She tried to move around the stranger, and found she could not. She faced him, wondering, afraid. To her left was a maple. To her right an oak. The only way the girl could go was back, and she found this equally impossible.




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 12:02:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is just wow! I will comment on it more later because I have to go have a cigarette....that's how good this [censored] was! It's amazing. Some reason....it has crept under my skin. It's amazing. And I love how it has all been taken place in autumn. I think this guy just feels that he has no other option. That he feels that God will never forgive him so he must get rid of his conscience so his past doesn't hurt him. He wants to be free. Am I making sense here? I'm not sure. This could be looked at in several ways. But yeah....cigarette.

    Love you!

    StEvIn
    | Posted on 2006-11-03 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. I think the imagery is lovely. And the thoughts in your heroine's head. It's fabulous.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting story you're putting together here. I like how you go into simple details. Like with the color of the leaves. Subtly hinting at the scenery and leaving the rest to the imagination. The thoughts of this guy are equally good and it's for the fact that there are some people like that in the world. You have a really good story going here and I would like to see it finished. If you are going to add to it, I would appreciate it if you told me. I hope to hear the rest soon.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]


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