Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Forbidden


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 66
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1331
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 404



Description:




Forbidden



Trapped as my energy is sapped
my knees fail to stand the
onslaught of your touch.
Tormented and demented
led by my carnal needs
to feed upon the veins
engorged by your desire,
to feed the fires
and bind you to me.
I keep you hidden
in my dreams
and in the hours before dawn
I lie naked upon the lawn and wait.




Submitted on 2006-10-16 12:44:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  nice poem. why forbidden though?
| Posted on 2007-02-28 00:00:00 | by einjun | [ Reply to This ]
  Omg, this poem defines one of my old stalker ex-girlfriends, except she perferred the bushes rather than the lawn. (No offense if this is write is from personal experience)

Overall, Good write about a forbidden yet demented love.

Certainly brought back the memories and inspires me with some writing material.

If you like poems with little twists, check out mine, "Young Living to Die"
| Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by bmorecmore | [ Reply to This ]
  I did not expect the ending but I liked it. This was a poem that made you think how sexy was that? Anyway great poem!
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm this is def. different but quite intriguing. It makes me wonder like who will relate and all the different circumstances this position could be placed. nice write, it sure caught my eye
| Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by Starry Eyes | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. kind of odd but i like it. its really good. i've written like this. its strnge but i think some people will be able to relate to it. keep up the awesome work. it sounds like when you wrote "i lie naked upon the lawn and wait" that you are making yourself vulnerable for whomever it is that you are waiting for. keep up the awesome work. i really hope to read more by you soon.
love
tina
| Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



121760