[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I wishdots

    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 509

       slipping back into an old style of writing not the best i think but i like it still anyway

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI wishdots

    I wish I could tell
    You how I hurt
    How deep within
    These walls
    Lays a child filled
    With fright

    I wish I could show you
    The scars deep within
    The pools of blood from
    Wounds reopened and
    The fright of this lonely girl
    That cries her lonesome tears

    I wish I could show you
    An angelís face
    But this childís face
    Cannot be seen
    In this darkness
    That holds her tight

    Submitted on 2006-10-16 13:18:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this! I wish I could shed some light on this unfortunate child. omg, I didn't even realize I used the phrase "I wish", ironic. Although I feel really bad for the child, I really admire the person wanting to help the child but seems unable to. Those people are rare.


    ps: It's a good thing there are people like you.
    | Posted on 2007-01-04 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sad
    I know exactly of the pain you are describing as I myself was this same child for a very VERY long time
    You worded this well and this is definately packed with true and honest emotion
    If this is how you felt as a child know Im truly Sorry
    But like in my Life if this is about you you have proven with time the pain subsides and a new Positive outlook guides your Soul to Happiness
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      hey hi it was nice hearing from you its been along time i havent been writing to much either i like your thought i wish maybe read the one i wrote
    once again thanx for the comment
    and take care

    hope all is well

    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Great work. I think the piece conveys a multitude of pains, all wrapped into one short poem. It can be interpreted in many ways, and shows that your work has a great versatility.

    I like it. Keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Very stark, moving and compelling. Another gem from you portraying the innocence and pain of a lonely child.

    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]