Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Almostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet_rayne
    ASL Info:    25/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.86 - 493/464/111
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Misc/The pain inside
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932



    Description:
       this i wrote for my uncle he has lukemia and was in remission for the last four years. now ihe has just been diagnosed with throat and tounge cancer, my uncle is like a second father to me so this is a really hard time. even though he is fighting as best as he can.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlmostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Almost time to let go
    This body tired, this spirit filled with fight
    So much left to do
    I almost had it beat.

    But my tears will flow
    On the day my spirit slips away
    So much left to do
    I almost had it beat.

    I see the fear in their eyes
    Itís hard to let go and yet the time comes near
    So much left to do
    I almost had it beat.

    This disease robs me of joyous days
    And loving nights with the ones I love
    So much left to do
    I almost had it beat

    The questions of why me race in my head,
    What about my family, can they cope without me?
    So much left to do.
    I almost had it beat.

    So I live my life a day at a time,
    Taking the good with the bad, loving my family like I never had.
    With so much left to do.
    I know I almost had it beat.




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 13:25:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I do agree with the two persons before me. It is indeed beautiful. Though I usually prefer descriptive and visual poems; this one, for such an emotional piece, really got to me. When you repeatedly say, "So much left to do I almost had it beat, I remembered the time when I had faced the same crisis like you in the past. Painful, yes it is. But we just have to keep moving along.

    Nice work you have here. :)
    | Posted on 2007-01-25 00:00:00 | by Czarina Words | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree that this is beautiful. I know what it is like to be losing a loved one, i have dealt with a similar situation. In situations like these, it is hard to give any criticisms of the work, as it comes from the heart.

    I like the repetition of I almost had it beat.
    It really adds a sense of being painfully aware of how short his time is.

    Beautiful work. I hope to see more of it soon.

    Unicorn Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh Joy, what a beautiful and moving piece of work this is. It is perfect in every way, and what a testiment to your uncle.

    Be very proud of what you have written here.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121767

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry