Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gamblingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Unicorn Poet
    ASL Info:    23/F/Salem, OR
    Elite Ratio:    5 - 406/272/46
    Words: 286
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1989



    Description:
       I wrote this just as a kind of comedy about gambling.... just wanna know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGamblingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My heart races
    As the money slides in,
    - The adrenaline rush -
    Woo hoo, yippie, Ok, let's win!

    I reach for the button
    To increase my bet,
    - Stop, hesitate, -
    No, not just yet.

    Bet one...
    Deal.
    Hold, hold,
    Deal.
    Nothing.

    Bet one more...
    Deal.
    Hold, hold,
    Deal.
    I won 30!

    Should I continue?
    Should I cash out?
    - My money is doubled -
    My mind fills with doubt.

    Bet one more...
    Deal.
    Hold, hold,
    Deal.
    I won 15, woo hoo!

    My heart is racing,
    Bet more... credits fall,
    - Come on just one big win -
    Yet again, I've lost it all.

    Insert 5 dollars more...
    Let's try it again.
    - Maybe this time -
    I'll get the big win...

    Bet one more...
    Deal.
    Hold, hold,
    Deal.
    I won 30... again.

    Should I continue?
    Should I cash out?
    - My money is doubled -
    My mind fills with doubt.

    So I bet more...
    Hey, I won 10!
    - Hesitate, stop, bet -
    I won 30 again!

    You'd think by now
    I'd take it and run,
    - I know I should -
    But it's too much fun!

    Lose some, lose some,
    Another big win!!
    - Back up to 60 -
    So I bet more... again.

    Lose some, lose some,
    I need a big win,
    - Down to 10 -
    I've done it again.

    Bet one...
    Deal.
    Hold, hold,
    Deal.
    Nothing...

    One at a time,
    10 down to one...
    - Should've quit at 60 -
    3...2... down to none.

    That's all I got
    And now I'm broke...
    - Should've taken the 60 -
    Isn't gambling a joke?




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 14:58:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem gave me a good laugh. I thought it was quite funny. I obviously don't gamble so I have no idea how bad a gambeling addiction can get but I think that your writing gave me a pretty good visual of it.

    What really got my attention was the rythm. It was unique, and just so different from others. I really liked that.
    ```Chrissy```
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you structured this poem. It's a good depiction of gambleing addiction. and yeah...it is a joke.
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by nomad knight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121772

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry