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    dots Submission Name: Verbose Silencedots

    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 1062
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1051

       I know this sucks; I was kinda playing more into saying what I felt then sounding super-poetic.and if ONE single person points out that my title is an oxymoron I'll be a bit upset ..... and yes, I managed to avoid the *huge* temptation to quote afi;)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVerbose Silencedots

    Vivid tears caressing burning flesh,
    breaking here without you (this silence kills me.)
    and you left my heart a mere open wound-
    knowing it can't bleed only makes it worse,
    Poison blood etching your words unto my soul...
    would this mean any more if the scars faded?

    My own screams end up feeling so worthless.
    who am I to put any set value behind pain?
    what gives me the right to assume you care at all?
    between delirious hope and unanswered questions;
    I lost everything I thought I'd once known,
    I never knew how to define what's "right".

    If I'm always so wrong then help me,
    show me how to eliminate such a fucked up past.
    'cause suicidal thoughts seem so weak now...
    but ignorance resides within forced optimism:
    and I don't want to have to fake a smile,
    when nothing's right behind such a mask,
    verbose riddles only hide truth until they're understood.

    Submitted on 2006-10-16 17:09:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There is some excellent insight here (at you age such insight should not be permitted!) an excellent poetic voice throughout the first two stanzas (you really DO take poetry very seriously!) less so in the final two ... still, overall I must give you three "bravos" .... bravo ... bravo... bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty cool. I do notice that you seem to stick to one topic only in your poems...a combination of love and suicide....There's nothing wrong with that, it's actually pretty cool if you look into it more. It's almost like a story if you combine them all. Keep writing.

    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Alrighty, thank god for the lack of afi, it would have ruined it! And I'm not really seing the whole oxymoron with this, w/e; that's good, right? Oh, and one can not eliminate the past no matter how "[censored]ed" it is every yesterday that deciphers what tommorow will bring, and who we are. Not bad, not bad at all. How can you lose what you've never possesed? And as far as doubting someone's intent on "caring",,maybe it's you questioning your own intent, without wanting to realize the answers? Not sure what you can do to change it, not bad!
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      There was nothing wrong with this poem? It flowed great and it came from the heart! The best ones do. Anyway great write!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, there is alot to this piece.
    like, some of it just seems like alot of really good metaphors jumbled together,
    and at the same time some of the lines work really good together.

    and I don't want to have to fake a smile,
    when nothing's right behind such a mask,
    verbose riddles only hide truth until they're understood.

    that is probably your best and my favorite part.

    the first line, the picture in my head was totally twisted.
    instead, i pictured like wet skin with tears of fire falling upon it. thats just me.
    good work.

    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]

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