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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: **Forgotten Pastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 948
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       a little something i threw together while procratinating doing science homework..really sucks but oh well


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots**Forgotten Pastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking through the halls
    Of what usd to be
    A famous village
    With massive cheese production,
    The scent still fresh
    And the taste still obvious,
    Now turned to a town of cars
    With distant memories
    Pushed far to the edge
    Of the town and minds alike
    But the past will be remembered
    If only for a day
    Where passing children
    Are oblivious to their hertiage
    And parents vaguely know
    So we will visit old times
    Learn the traditions
    Experience the tastes
    Smells, sites, and adventures
    To take them wih us
    And fulfill our unknown paths.




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 17:58:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey. Yet another great poem Shannon, and you're right that we really have no sense of heritage.. it's kind of sad really.. hmm.. something to think about.
    Mandimara
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by Mandimara | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. I like the way that you picture the past in the present and introduce the idea of passing children on their own journey into an unknown future. There is a definite sense of loss in the not knowing traditions. You have certainly used the senses here with the smells and taste and a nice play on words with sites and sights. This is slightly spoilt with careless typos. I would correct the missing ‘e’ in ‘used’ and the missing ‘t’ in with. Also, you misspell heritage. Have you considered the importance of naming? I realise that you want to stress that this is somewhere forgotten but if it was once a famous village it would have had a name and that at least would have been remembered. The town also deserves a name and perhaps even some of the old times could be mentioned. I feel this poem would be even stronger with those additions.
    take care
    love and peace
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really clever write from you Caotic(I believe Shannon???)
    This write took me on a trip through olde towne and left me back in the present seeing all the changes that have developed still fresh in my mind
    I Love how you put this one together
    was like a trip into the past and then zoom like a time machine ride right back into the present
    I may be wrong but I have a strong idea you were referring to Italy
    Excellent Job
    It is always a pleasure reading your writes as they always make me think
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is really good. I like the imagery in this write. It's amazing what we can do when we're supposed to be doing something else....

    I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

    Unicorn Poet
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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