Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Those Remembereddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 930
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 566



    Description:
       If you had suggestions please let me know this poem is still a work in progress


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThose Remembereddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I did not stop for death.
    It stopped for me.
    The sun went down,
    A carriage door was held open,
    I wanted to scream,
    but could not speak.
    This is the day I will die.

    You never know how amazing life is,
    Until it drifts out between your fingers,
    Until you are dying slowly,
    struggling to survive.


    My tears turn to blood,
    that trickles down each cheek.
    I will remember all those I love,
    as I travel the road to eternity.






    Submitted on 2006-10-16 18:25:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ello,

    The first reminds me of a poem I read in English class, but other then that its pretty cool.

    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      Those Remembered
    -------------------------------------------

    I did not stop for death.
    It stopped for me.
    The sun went down,
    A carriage door was held open,
    I wanted to scream,
    but could not speak.
    This is the day I will die.

    You never know how amazing life is,
    Until it drifts out between your fingers,
    Until you are dying slowly,
    struggling to survive.


    My tears turn to blood,
    that trickles down each cheek.
    I will remember all those I love,
    as I travel the road to eternity.


    ***I just kinda switched some lines around and added a couple of things here and there. I liked the idea, just the rhyme didn't work with the content and keeping the scheme just made it seem forced and a little bland. Hope this helps.***




    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      Because I would not stop for death,
    It kindly stopped for me...

    Emily Dickenson reference, that is.
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121796

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry