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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Asleep in your armsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 742



    Description:
       This poem is in need of work. please let me know how I coudl fix it. Thanks I have had writters block for sometime.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAsleep in your armsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel your heart beat,
    so close to mine
    You run your fingers through my hair,
    so light anf fine.
    You kiss my forehead,
    and you tell me you love me.
    I hold you closer,
    there is no place I would rather be,
    then right here,
    in your loving arms.
    Completly safe,
    from lifes little harms.
    I look into your eyes,
    we both smile and kiss,
    lock in an a embrace,
    surronder by bliss.
    I tell you I love you,
    as you nibble my ear.
    You hold me closer,
    so beautiful and sincere.
    Night has fallen,
    and in your arms I lay,
    my eyes flutter closed,
    and for eternity I'll stay.




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 18:32:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there are a few spelling errors. sorry to point it out..i get a little pissed when people say that as a critique on mine. it was really good. your work has such meaning. and you said to share changes with it. so ill try to help. few of the lines seemed like they were a little choppy i guess. but other than that. it was a gorgeous read. great work

    x0
    | Posted on 2006-12-09 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this :) So sweet and innocent. Love is such a wonderful thing, isn't it?? I like the flow and rythm. Very great. Keep it up :)


    Ciao,

    }i{Renae}i{
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      nice it has flow I like how you could describe things in a short amount of words. I cna actualy kinda feel the poem have an affect, and sorta amde me feel wahat was hapening. keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Ryou_Bakura | [ Reply to This ]
      I noticed a spelling era in this line"You hodl me closer" The word should be Hold I think? And in the line "my eyes flatter closed" the word should be Flutter. Anyway this was a great poem and I loved the way it flowed!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]


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