Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bare Floor Dreamingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EscapeArtist8
    ASL Info:    19/F/Delaware
    Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 6/6/5
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358



    Description:
       Ok so when I'm upset and crying I sit on the floor by my bed and stare out the window, it's where I think about stuff...and Sometimes I end falling asleep...The idea of this poem came from that...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBare Floor Dreamingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Broken shadows fall across the bedroom floor
    Three in the morning
    The lights driving by less and less
    White curtains tied back move little in the summer breeze
    Early morning air shifts, Already heavy with immobilizing heat
    An overused carpet substitues a bed,
    A torn sheet for a blanket
    Memories disguise as dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake

    A small black fan in the corner throws the warm air around
    Hot air travels up and out,
    Disturbing poetic hatrid on paper taped to walls
    Darkness spilling through the window hushes all sounds
    Whimpering tear filled cries resound,
    Magnifying cries to screams, tears to rain
    A dirty pillow in the saddest state,
    Over the eyes blocks out the ghost,
    If only just for a little while
    Mind remembers pain in dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake

    Tears fall down stinging the face, such a dirty face
    Dirt streaked cursing echoes
    Permeating throughout a convulsing body
    Wind ahead of the storm carries,
    The sound of love burning down
    A cold and bruised body, welcomes the shrill warmth
    The room small and dirty holding it grave grasp, Offers sleep
    Slumber slyly leads to memories wicked dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake




    Submitted on 2006-10-16 18:36:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like your work, i think that it is very descriptive and makes me see everything you write. I love this. its sad though but i love when a piece is sad and makes me feel like im there (if that makes sense) dirt streaked cursing echoes that is just awesome. I'm gonna have to stalk you. i like your work. It just puts images in my head
    Thanks for sharing and again i wish i could write like this
    Vynom
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      a very detailed piece, full of emotions. i enjoyed the ride til the end... a great masterpiece.
    keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by tina_mik | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me so much of how I used to feel.... especially when I was younger. I like how you repeat the "Keep awake at the end of each stanza, it really adds to the imagery. I can almost see the girl sitting by the window whispering those same words to herself.

    You might want to go through and check your spelling in a few spots: you misspelled substitutes, and hatred. There might be a few others that i missed as well.

    Overall, it was very good, and I am interested in reading more of your work sometime. I might just go check it out now.

    Good luck, and keep up the great work.

    Unicorn Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh how terribly sad! Sorry you went through times like these. its an awful place to be in. GBY:)
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121798

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Carry written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Records I written by Raphael
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    You read free written by poetotoe
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry