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    dots Submission Name: Bare Floor Dreamingdots

    Author: EscapeArtist8
    ASL Info:    19/F/Delaware
    Elite Ratio:    2.38 - 6/6/5
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 872
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1358

       Ok so when I'm upset and crying I sit on the floor by my bed and stare out the window, it's where I think about stuff...and Sometimes I end falling asleep...The idea of this poem came from that...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBare Floor Dreamingdots

    Broken shadows fall across the bedroom floor
    Three in the morning
    The lights driving by less and less
    White curtains tied back move little in the summer breeze
    Early morning air shifts, Already heavy with immobilizing heat
    An overused carpet substitues a bed,
    A torn sheet for a blanket
    Memories disguise as dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake

    A small black fan in the corner throws the warm air around
    Hot air travels up and out,
    Disturbing poetic hatrid on paper taped to walls
    Darkness spilling through the window hushes all sounds
    Whimpering tear filled cries resound,
    Magnifying cries to screams, tears to rain
    A dirty pillow in the saddest state,
    Over the eyes blocks out the ghost,
    If only just for a little while
    Mind remembers pain in dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake

    Tears fall down stinging the face, such a dirty face
    Dirt streaked cursing echoes
    Permeating throughout a convulsing body
    Wind ahead of the storm carries,
    The sound of love burning down
    A cold and bruised body, welcomes the shrill warmth
    The room small and dirty holding it grave grasp, Offers sleep
    Slumber slyly leads to memories wicked dreams
    Keep awake, Keep awake

    Submitted on 2006-10-16 18:36:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like your work, i think that it is very descriptive and makes me see everything you write. I love this. its sad though but i love when a piece is sad and makes me feel like im there (if that makes sense) dirt streaked cursing echoes that is just awesome. I'm gonna have to stalk you. i like your work. It just puts images in my head
    Thanks for sharing and again i wish i could write like this
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      a very detailed piece, full of emotions. i enjoyed the ride til the end... a great masterpiece.
    keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by tina_mik | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me so much of how I used to feel.... especially when I was younger. I like how you repeat the "Keep awake at the end of each stanza, it really adds to the imagery. I can almost see the girl sitting by the window whispering those same words to herself.

    You might want to go through and check your spelling in a few spots: you misspelled substitutes, and hatred. There might be a few others that i missed as well.

    Overall, it was very good, and I am interested in reading more of your work sometime. I might just go check it out now.

    Good luck, and keep up the great work.

    Unicorn Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh how terribly sad! Sorry you went through times like these. its an awful place to be in. GBY:)
    | Posted on 2006-10-16 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]

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