[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sitting in this darkened roomdots

    Author: Jingles
    ASL Info:    19.m.canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.08 - 18/60/36
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Romance
    Total Views: 786
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1021

       This isn't one of my best writes. But it's the way I felt about something.It pretty self explaitory what its about.Just give me youre opinions and tell me if i need to change something or make it better somehow.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSitting in this darkened roomdots

    Sitting in this darkened room
    Crimson pain and cascading fear.
    Every whisper never meant
    Shattered moments dissapear.

    Sitting in this darkened room
    Silenced thoughts come into view.
    Arguements and screams of hate
    As regret binds me to you.

    Sitting in this darkened room
    Flowers and tears across the page.
    Hatred blinds every sense
    While your voice guides me the way.

    Sitting in this darkened room
    Immortality resting in your gaze.
    Enveloped in beauty, whithin a smile
    This darkness now fades away.

    Sitting in this brightened room
    My angel dressed in white.
    No more pain and no more fear
    On our wedding night.

    Layin in this darkened tomb
    My lifleless hand still holding yours.
    Life anew,eternity ours
    Lets live it togethor
    Forever and always.
    In this darkened tomb

    Submitted on 2006-10-17 04:19:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautifully crafted. I like the repetition of "In this darkened room." In the end though (I may be too old?) I don't get it. The deoument, if you like, didn't seem to marry with the preceding verses. This may well be my loss.

    | Posted on 2006-10-17 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Shading written by saartha
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    More written by homeless
    Untitled: June 24, 2018 written by homeless
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Confessions and shit... written by Daniel Barlow
    TSC written by rev.jpfadeproof
    rimbaudian reverie written by CrypticBard
    Revised written by Darkwarrior
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sadistic lust written by jjd
    'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line. written by Torie
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]