Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Invincible Not

Author: Jengrr
ASL Info:    20/McBain
Elite Ratio:    5.85 - 95 /104 /22
Words: 65
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 993
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 478


This started as a poem I was forced to write for my English teacher, who insisted my poems were too happy and I needed something more "tragic" to quote him. The thought developed in my mind as I sat and watched my classmates that when we graduate this year, in a way our youthful innocence dies. It also occured to me that, however young and invincible we seem now, eventually we're all going to die. Every class that has graduated from my school for the last three years has lost at least two teens. Will we face the same fate and can I handle it when it happens?

Invincible Not

I looked around the classroom
And I saw Death
Lurking in the corner
Draped across the ceiling
Drifting in an unseen haze
Strangely white and glowing
Clinging to each and every student

The inevitable struck me hard
Though now youthful and invincible
So full of life and vibrant
The haze would ever linger
Drawing closer
Til slowly
Almost gently
It embraced us tight forever

Submitted on 2006-10-17 20:08:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Wow...I know this was written a long time ago but it is truly amazing! Some times poems that we are made to write turn out to be our best works. not saying that this poem is better than your others...just that sometimes doing our homework really pays off. this definitely could also refer to the death of the personalities we carried when we were in high school. People leave, go to college, get jobs and go through a lot of changes and they're not always good changes. This is just an awesome depiction of what may happen when we leave the comfort and shelter known as high school. Great job!

| Posted on 2008-07-29 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
  god. this is quite eloquent. nice. you really made an original piece. it kept me till the end, which even tho its short is not easy to do. the subject matter is hard to be original with. you did tho. you have my praise, (not that that means anything lol) for a job well done. this is a good example of what poets should be striving for. simple honest. but still entertaining, and still with a message. if you can be vivid and honest you have something going. keep it up and you will be seeing more of me. thanks -sin
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
  Your poem was short and dark but, I could hardly make a connection to it and your commentry about it. The only two words that connected it were classroom and student which is very much associated with scool and graduation. I think this is a nice poem but seeing some of your other poetry, i think it could be better. nice work.

| Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by Jussy | [ Reply to This ]
  We are all fragile human beings on this plant. No matter if you are rich or poor, we are not invincible to the slings and arrows of life's drama, because we live life's journey on a stage. Good always triumph over evil, but evil looks day and night for weak and fragile souls. Enjoyed reading this short and philosophical poem. Keep Sharing!

| Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by FireFly747 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?