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    dots Submission Name: I Wishdots

    Author: Unicorn Poet
    ASL Info:    23/F/Salem, OR
    Elite Ratio:    5 - 406/272/46
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 635
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 926

       I'm not sure where i was coming from with this one. I'm not even sure if the structure is good.... please let me know what you think. I am open to suggestions.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wishdots

    I wish I could go away
    To another place and time

    Where love is accepted
    And hate is a crime

    Where mommies love daughters
    And don't regret their birth

    I wish there was a place...
    A place unlike here on earth

    I wish daddies weren't pedophiles
    That hurt little girls

    That beat and abuse them
    And destroy their fragile worlds

    I wish that we would stop
    And take a closer look

    At what's really going on
    Instead of hiding behind a book

    We should trust our instincts
    Instead of believing what we've read

    Cause not every situation
    Has been written in ink or lead

    Some things we have
    To figure out on our own

    Otherwise we will be left behind
    To do all the work alone.

    Submitted on 2006-10-18 00:33:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      yes i must agree with deathtone on this..i really enjoyed it..your words were so strong that it touch my heart..
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by DeathsWife | [ Reply to This ]
      it was riviting and sent a chill down my spine, i enjoyed it and wouldnt change a thing, great job, i will read more of your stuff when i can. Chow

    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by DeathTone | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I thought that the stanzas were a little weak. Mostly this stanza..

    "I wish that we would stop
    And take a closer look

    At what's really going on
    Instead of hiding behind a book"

    ..it seemed like it was missing something.

    Besides that it was very well written and I thought that a lot of people can relate to what you were writing about.
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the inconsistencies in your syllable lengths for lines. IOf they had of been consistent then this piece wouldn't have seemed as conversational and that was the best aspect about it. Some of your content is rhyme driven and that's a shame since i felt a strong sort of rage and determination in this piece that was diluted by the weaker parts of the poem. fft
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by Alias | [ Reply to This ]
      truly a powerul piece.......dont change a damned thing unicorn!......struck in a very deep place....the first 5 rating i've ever read on this site...........the way you present such unseen universal truth.......you charge towards controversial world veiws with the sleekness of a cat and a razor sharp sword.....bravo, good lady, bravo
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by ropedpoet | [ Reply to This ]

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