Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ski Lodgedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: whendt
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 902/387/108
    Words: 516
    Class/Type: Story/Passion
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2668



    Description:
       A trip I made a long time ago


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSki Lodgedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I met a girl so hot that she could of melted steel
    We met at a ski resort
    It was very cold
    I came into the lodge and the fire was raging in the fireplace
    There she was hot as hell drinking a Grey Goose on ice
    I walked up to the bar and ordered a brandy to warm the blood
    She caught me out of the corner of her eye
    The same time I had her in my sight
    I walked up to the fireplace to warm my hands
    She joined me and asked if she could help
    I smiled and thought to myself this could be interesting
    After a few drinks we decided to get a room
    I took up a extra bottle of brandy to make things interesting
    After we got to the room we started our own little fire
    The kissing was like a wild horse being broke
    I lead her over to window and kissed her neck like a vampire
    Her hand went up my shirt and was rubbing my nipples
    My hand was on her ass and soon found its way down the back of her pants
    Her ass was firm like ice
    The kissing went deeper and our hand made there way around to the front of each other pants
    I was hard now and she was so wet
    She stoked me up and down until I thought I was going to explode
    My fingers played with her many folds of skin
    She was so wet now that my hand slid easily in and out of her
    We made our way to the bed and that when the cloths started to fly
    Her breast were so firm and your nipples were hard enough to cut glass
    Our mouths found each others desire
    Her lips on my stiff member got much harder with each pump
    Her hands cold still felt good stoking in time with your mouth
    My mouth was busy sucking and licking your sweet tasting moistures
    Her hood was hard as a rock
    When we met eye to eye again our hand started to wonder
    Her mouth was sucking and licking my nipples
    Her hand was pumping my hard on so wet
    My mouth was busy nibbling on her nipples
    And I was thinking I need to put my hard on in her bad
    My hand started to work her wetness in and out
    I pulled my hard on up and started rubbing it up and down her wetness
    She moaned in my ear and pulled me closer
    I slid inside her like a glove fits
    She got on top of me and started to grind
    My ass clinched as I started to pump upward
    Our mouth was filled with each other
    The hours of joy filled us
    We came so many time the sheets were soaked
    As we wound down
    We made our way down to the flooor and fell asleep in front of the fireplace




    Submitted on 2006-10-18 04:36:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, dear.
    As a story this is mundane, boy meets girl, boy does girl, boy/girl fall asleep. yeah, yawn.
    if you are going to do erotica then it should be both deeper and more developed than this which seems much like a schoolboy on heat. If others are turned on, then that is fine, but it seems to me that it don't take much.
    I agree that the piece is long, too long. If this was in the context of a long story then it might be balanced enough but as it is the sexual element overbalances the story. There are no characters here - just two ships passing in the night and not recognising each other.
    I know this is heavy but what are we here for but to express our reactions to work of others. I believe that you should certainly be able to produce much better work than this item. Perhaps you might ask yourself, "Do I like this? Am iIproud of it? Would I be happy for my girl/boy/mother/maiden aunt/father to see it? Is this the BEST I can produce?" and so on. You might thenget a clearer picture of your work.
    Thanks for the read.

    Donald
    | Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      Umm, ok. I read it even though it's long and I don't usually read stories, only poems. Well, to tell you the truth, it's not my cup of tea. My genre is dark fantasy so I can't be objective enough. It's too straightforward, too
    raw as whirl said. It's like something you would tell a friend but not exactly leave it in that form of words when writing a poem or a story for that matter.
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      first, i love the pic with this.
    second, well, i really don't know what to say....this should be 'x' rated!!
    it was raw, passionate, and a complete turn on. probably not to everyone's taste, but i love it!
    think i have a fever now.......
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      lol I have to agree with whirl that this is definitly a turn on. Once again you've perfected the details right to the very finest. Only one thing popped out at me, it was that at one point instead of calling this girl "she" you accidently put "you". Thats not a big deal though, everything else seems right in place. The cozy ending made me happy, nothing better then a warm place to snuggle after a passionate episode. It gives the time to think and take in what just happened lol.

    SarahE.P.
    | Posted on 2006-10-18 00:00:00 | by SarahE.P. | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn! That got me all hot and bothered, LOL!!!
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    121934

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry