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Author: solararia
ASL Info:    30/M/Chicago
Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 309 /335 /92
Words: 152
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1372
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1067



Beyond all religious excesses
Successful numbing sexless penance
Perchance my pen is pressed just past His
Single aching eye.

(I Write.)

See me closer, draw me in
Line art mushroom clouds
force skin
To have it inside
To hold it inside
To keep it all inside
This part of me in you

(I Erase.)

Lead me by example
Show me your sin.
Submission accomplished through repetition.
Hypnotized by Romance,
Your incense, and candlelight
Can’t you see
my weakness grows in me tonight?
Feed me your Bread,
Then pour me your wine.
Here I kneel before you,
Make me Divine.

(I Purge.)

A robe to cover, my Rose, are we...
Begging for forgiveness, my Rose, are we…

(I Write.)

Sideways Vision

I drink, I think
I swallow, I sink

(I Tear.)

Submitted on 2006-10-18 16:46:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  so much has been said about this poem already but I had to add my praise. there is so much ugliness and beauty inside of religon. the ideals that man aspire to are muddied by the reality of human passions. thankyou for sharing your piece. I love to read your poetry because it is well put together. I aspire to have my poems be this polished.
| Posted on 2008-01-20 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]
  This is by far the best thing I've read on this site. It's artistic without coming off as pretentious (as I feel most poetry, good or bad, does anyway. Possibly because I don't 'get it'.) I don't know if this was intentional but you've got a really nice rhythm going on here, especially that first stanza. Just rolled off my tongue. Then there is the religious imagery mixed in with the sexuality, something a lot of people try to hard to accomplish yet you made seem natural. This isn't like my stuff, which I basically write and post without much thought after the fact. This is professional, well crafted work. Its going to be cool to see where you go from here.
| Posted on 2007-09-05 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this poem immensley. I really like the originality of the format, with some of the important pieces hihlighted by brackets. Great job.
| Posted on 2007-02-23 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
  to me your poem describe the essence of the soul in religions belief. How could something as sex be so wrong in the eyes of others if it is a nautral order of life to survive. The rose the most beautiful flower in the world can even make u bleed if not remove carefully
| Posted on 2007-02-03 00:00:00 | by slayona | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really good. It kept a very experianced poetic feel, while still sounding sincere, this more than anything is impressive to me. I find sincerity to be one of the most amazing traits of all works, something I wish I could show more of.
| Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]
  This particular piece reminded me of Umberto Eco's "In The Name Of The Rose", mostly because of the bits:

"Begging for forgiveness my Rose are we
Begging for forgiveness my Rose are we…"

And since Someone's (tee hee) already given a very in-depth review:

So, is it about a monk who's being led astray by a filthy Jezebel, or am I just reading too much erotica? (Tee hee.)

Yours Truly,
| Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
i shant share with you my first reaction to this piece because they would just sensor it anyways but seriously... wow.

youve taken the wind completely out of my sails here... this is really hard hitting stuff.

ok... i cannot promise anything near coherrence in this comment... dude...

your use of parenthesis is brilliant... absolutely well done... i love how it creates the idea that this is a cycle that needs to be broken... i write i erase i write... the next one im expecting to be i erase but it isnt and this is the beginning of the breaking of the cycle perhaps...

then you have the rest of the piece.
there are so many things i wanna pull out of this piece... lets see if i can do it in english...

To have it inside
To hold it inside
To keep it all inside
This part of me in you

this is obviously playing with "to have and to hold in sickness and health until death do you part" or something along those lines that they say at weddings and all... the way you have repeated inside inside inside its like a building up so that when you say i erase its like i can take a breath or something... there isnt gonna an explosion of any sort just yet...

A robe to cover, a robe to hide, a robe to cover, a robe to hide.

Begging for forgiveness my Rose are we
Begging for forgiveness my Rose are we…

so obviously this is a catholic priest uglyness issue that seems to be all over the news all the time now... it makes me sick and yeah... i dunno... it gives those who live their faith out according to how god asks us to do so such a bad name you know... it makes me so angry...

your Rose are we is brilliant word play with the idea of Rosary beads and penance...
when i was in Rome i almost bought a rosary just coz i was there... i heard the pope was giving some kind of address and stood there for 5 hours waiting for him to speak and when he did he spoke in italian so i was screwed though im sure he was inspiring... but yeah... i left rome with much much worse than a rosary... maybe it wouldnt have happened if i had have turned catholic a coupla nights before... hmmm...

Lead me by example
Show me your sin.

i like the implications this has
i realise that you are being rather sarcastic here with this statement but i think if those who persue the christian faith would actually be real about their struggles and all then the whole thing would be better... less judgemental and more forgiving and loving perhaps... i dunno... i always was an idealist...

your playing with religious symbolism adds SO much power to this piece... seriously... wow...
amazing that you can take images that people know whether they have anything to do with church/god or not and turn them into a master piece... seriously stunning dude...
| Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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