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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: *Lesson Learneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 246



    Description:
       this one mite be wore than the last...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Lesson Learneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    black and blue
    red and swollen
    sore and stiff
    aching and aching
    turning numb
    while being used to punch guts,
    slap faces and steal lunch money
    i learned a lesson
    next time i will use my foot.




    Submitted on 2006-10-19 14:12:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think the repition of aching weakens the piece, and as its not your strongers or best flowing write, that is a VERY bad thing to do.

    I think you have much more potential then this and should maybe recollect the thought and re-write or edit this write. it has potential that is untapped, as do you.

    Kage
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      funny....ha


    your that hot chick 'bully' beating up on all your crushes...??

    i like how you ended it, it wasnt the most obvious way to do it.

    Nice read keep it up

    PC
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]


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