I went out lookin' for Jesus
But I found Buddha instead
Predictably, a fistfight ensued
He went upside my head
I asked him why he hit me
He said he needed cash
I asked "What for?" He said "The poor."
So I said kiss my ass
I only had three dollars
And I was achin' for some smokes
And I wasn't givin' it to him
He had to sucker some other folks
Then I took off a-high-flyin'
My shoes was kickin' up
Adidas severed daisy heads
And great big clouds a dust
I looked over my shoulder
Saw a fat guy on my tail
So I turned the corner by the grocery
And got my foot stuck in a pail
So I ran real quick inside the store
Said, "Can someone give a hand?"
They sold me a pail-removing shoehorn
The real expensive brand
Then Buddha, he came a crashin' through
The front window display
I pointed and said, "Hey, Karma!"
And when he looked I ran away
He came chasin' after me
But we were on a linoleum floor
And now I was only wearin' socks
I slid right past him through the door
And down the street I saw a church
I thought "Jesus lives there!"
So I took off right through the door
And sure enough, he was in his chair
Playin' dominoes with Krishna while
Allah and Vishnu were slingin' dice
"Hey JC, can you help me out?"
I asked him really nice.
I told him about Buddha and how
He was five times my weight
JC said, "Sure I'll help ya out."
And handed me the collection plate.