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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tithin' Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DevilDinosaur
    ASL Info:    28/M/MR American
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 293/197/46
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1146
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1851



    Description:
       Just a little stupid something jotted down after listening to a little too much Dylan.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTithin' Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I went out lookin' for Jesus
    But I found Buddha instead
    Predictably, a fistfight ensued
    He went upside my head
    I asked him why he hit me
    He said he needed cash
    I asked "What for?" He said "The poor."
    So I said kiss my ass
    I only had three dollars
    And I was achin' for some smokes
    And I wasn't givin' it to him
    He had to sucker some other folks
    Then I took off a-high-flyin'
    My shoes was kickin' up
    Adidas severed daisy heads
    And great big clouds a dust
    I looked over my shoulder
    Saw a fat guy on my tail
    So I turned the corner by the grocery
    And got my foot stuck in a pail

    So I ran real quick inside the store
    Said, "Can someone give a hand?"
    They sold me a pail-removing shoehorn
    The real expensive brand

    Then Buddha, he came a crashin' through
    The front window display
    I pointed and said, "Hey, Karma!"
    And when he looked I ran away
    He came chasin' after me
    But we were on a linoleum floor
    And now I was only wearin' socks
    I slid right past him through the door
    And down the street I saw a church
    I thought "Jesus lives there!"
    So I took off right through the door
    And sure enough, he was in his chair
    Playin' dominoes with Krishna while
    Allah and Vishnu were slingin' dice
    "Hey JC, can you help me out?"
    I asked him really nice.
    I told him about Buddha and how
    He was five times my weight
    JC said, "Sure I'll help ya out."
    And handed me the collection plate.




    Submitted on 2004-01-28 09:59:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm... it makes a good point AND it's funny.
    I like that

    Longer stuff usually doesn't hold my attention, but this did.
    I laughed a lot louder than I should at this time of morning. Don't wanna disturb the neighbors, you know?

    I can't really critique anything, so I'll just say "fan-f*cking-tastic" and be on my way.


    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-08-25 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry...I meant God wants US to keep our money. Not wants to keep our money.. I am guilty of being a bad typist and not proofreading before I enter the comment. Have a great day and thanks again for the laughs!
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again I have to make a comment on this piece. It is just too darn good. It is so funny and yet I can't help but see inside the satire. You had three lousy bicks left in your pocket and here's Budda chasing you around the neighborhood for it. Wait! There's Jesus...he'll help. Of course, he wants a few bucks too... Of course. I don't think for a moment you are speaking ill of Budda and Jesus. The churches that open in Their names are the culprits. Give us your money and we will prayer for your souls. I think God wants to keep our money and say our own prayers. Give your money to the poor...God is already rich.

    I certainly do love this piece. It is soo funny. I hope you write something else soon.
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to tell you that I smiled through this entire thing. The satire and irony was running loose all over the place....so much wild and crazy images you gave me with this...It reeks of a serious topic though. Church really do always have their hands out and to refuse...well, they have been known to turn away.....Keep up everything you are doing. I appreciate your writing style.
    | Posted on 2004-04-12 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny. Sacriligious as all heck, but funny! And I can definately see the Bob Dylan influence. He wrote some great music, but that man had some WEIRD ideas! Your flow is good, R&R structure's clear, but you dodge following that structure as strictly as possible. Very Dylan-esque. Well done! <><
    | Posted on 2004-03-29 00:00:00 | by WorththeWait | [ Reply to This ]
      A remarkable piece of work, as I am sure you realize. I've not had much laughter from this site yet and it was great to read.
    | Posted on 2004-02-21 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]
      this is hilerious man. How did u come up with it, were u just board? Well anyway, LMAO.
    | Posted on 2004-01-29 00:00:00 | by dgnofdarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for the comments you 'uns. I agree with you MyX, rhyming is a great tool in a lot of ways. I personally can't write free verse that well so I almost always try to use some kind of rhyme scheme, and while it is pretty forced in this one, I think the obvious lack of effort makes it funnier.
    | Posted on 2004-01-28 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]
      This is hilarious...and I can almost hear Dylan doing it! Thanks, silver
    | Posted on 2004-01-28 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very amusing to say the least. You bring out your point in a fun, creative and entertaining way. I like it! I didn't see the use for the line breaks however, this is better off a short story than a poem. If you can make it rhyme without forcing it and sticking to the subject matter...this could be REALLY good. Rhyming seems dissed alot on this site for some reason..I happen to think that even for freeverse, it provides an exclamation point with 10 times the power. Looking forward to more works from you, thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2004-01-28 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]


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    1221

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