[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Knight of Navara Chapter 1dots

    Author: McClune
    ASL Info:    15/m/fl
    Elite Ratio:    1.38 - 3/6/14
    Words: 583
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3212

       In this chapter, Aries(the main character) discovers the real reason of his pareents death. Also he will fight off an attacker that killed several knights.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Knight of Navara Chapter 1dots

    The sky was a brilliant blue, Aries called no attention to it, he just studied the ground beneath his feet. Pebbles, dirt, a blade of grass here and there.
    He was standing guard at the entrance of the castle, his closest friend Lionel on the other side of the hard, brown, oak door.
    His thoughts turned to his parents, long gone, like a dream you had when you were young, but you can't forget it. He was told they died in a training accident, but Aries didn't believe it. There was a puddle on the ground, it showed him his long blonde hair, deep grey eyes, and a light scar he recieved from an animal in the woods.
    "So Aries... doin' anything after your shift?" Lionel asked him, his red beard waved as he talked, his red hair swayed over his blue eyes.
    "I'm not sure, I'll see if anything comes up. Why? You doing anything?" Aries replied, the sun blazed overhead, sweat began to bead on his forehead.
    "I was gonna go to the new tavern down the street, wanna come?" Lionel said, Aries knew the look in his face as much as he knew how to go to sleep, he wanted to gamble.
    "No, that's okay, I'm not into gambling." Aries said strictly, Lionel turned toward the gate and stared, not saying a word.

    That night, Aries went home to find his aunt making dinner.
    "When did you get here?" Aries asked her, she turned to face him.
    "Well, I decided to come and make you dinner and... tell you something I've been meaning to tell you for quite some time now." she replied, her voice was weak and old.
    "Your parents, they didn't die in a training accident, they were killed by the beast that lives in that volcano, Aries. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
    " It's okay, I figured the accident wasn't the real reason anyway."

    Several weeks later Aries was once again standing at the door of the castle, the sky was clear once again.
    Around noon, there was an ear-shattering roar. Areis looked toward the sound and saw the dragon flying over the city. Flames leapt out of its wretched mouth, over its black, sharp teeth.
    Guards burst out of the castle and ran into the streets, Aries left his post and followed them.
    They all drew their bows and arrows and fired at the dragon, nearly all of them missed. One hit it in the right wing, and it fell to the ground. The guards and knights scattered as it fell toward them.
    The dragon blew a huge fireball at the group, many were incinerated, other burnt or badly damaged.
    As Aries passed the gate he saw the devestation, he drew his sword and lunged at its left wing, half of it fell to the gorund, the other half reamined on its back.As blood sloshed out of its wing stub, it ran back up to the volcano summit and let out another mighty roar and disappeared inside.


    In the next chapter,

    Aries, Lionel, and two new teammates will go on a mission to find and destroy the dragon in its own domain

    Submitted on 2006-10-19 20:05:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this story,. I will also look forward to chapter two..

    as above comment said,. it seemed a little etchy around the scetches,, its really good,

    and yes use more description,.

    nice imagery..

    we be in touch,, cheers.
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      Another sotry writer! Wonderful, I'll be by to follow Aries on his journey....

    A couple notes, the paced is very pushed, you pose an idea and resolve it in the next paragraph, could we have waited to know that Aries' parents weren't really killed in a training accident? Well I know we could have waited longer then a fourth of the first chapter. No need to give away everything for nothing. *lol* Also, this very much seems like a first draft, you have more potential then to use terms like "that beast" in "that volcano" try more description, intorduce the beast before we know it killed the main characters parents.

    That's just my two cents. Maybe instead of doing a new chapter every other day, try every week and really focusing on each chapter!

    Okay I'm done for now! I look forward for chapter 2!
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Nihilist Weasel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    This written by Chelebel
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]