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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Carving Knifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic_tragedy6
    ASL Info:    25/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 114/153/74
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 523
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 848



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCarving Knifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Black mascara
    Runs down her face
    She is trying to forget the past
    Trying to erase the mistakes

    So alone and scared
    Hating her life
    So she takes it out on her skin
    With a carving knife

    The perfect little lines
    For every perfect mistake
    She doesnít know
    How much she can take

    The fake smile
    Fools everyone
    She canít fix it now
    Whatís done is done

    No one can help her
    Alone she falls
    And she isnít afraid
    To lose it all

    For she stopped caring
    And it shows on her arms
    She canít tell anyone
    For they will get alarmed

    She lives the life
    That is a lie
    The only thing she can rely on
    Is her carving knife...




    Submitted on 2006-10-19 20:11:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was nicely written, terribly sad though. there is no greater hate than self hate, we are our biggest enemy.

    Your Friend,
    Jay.

    P.S. Its nice to see you writing again.
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I understand the write comes from because I have struggled with such a problem for a few years now. The rhyme was good and it floweed nicely together.

    No one can help her
    Alone she falls
    And she isnít afraid
    To lose it all

    This here was my favourite line. The only thing i suggest is that you read that last 2 stanzas out loud to yoruself because they don't necessarily flow or rhyme. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Thoughts of what you tried to explain....ok

    The way you express .....ok

    Rhyme....too forced...
    Tell the truth did you actually write it in a flow or you made it rhyme

    Insert some description that goes with the poem to make it more effective.

    Have the poems a little wide i mean more sentences in a line rather than having it so long.
    See at it yourself you will find that immediately you will think it is a very long poem even though it is small.

    other than that it is a good poem
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
      No one can help her
    Alone she falls
    And she isnít afraid
    To lose it all

    That was my favorite part. You have quite a way with words. Poetic beauty at its best. This one brought a couple tears to my eyes... Really. Keep up the wonders with words. I will be watching for more.

    ~KiKi
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]


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