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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Misery in Lustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic_tragedy6
    ASL Info:    25/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 114/155/74
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 962



    Description:
       A poem about being the "other woman" and feelings behind that


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMisery in Lustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kiss me gently
    Hold me tight
    Make me feel
    As if this were right

    Tell me lies
    Whisper in my ear
    Tell me the things
    You know I want to hear

    Touch me softly
    As if I were fine
    As if this body
    Werenít really mine

    Cheat on her
    With me
    Iím so blind
    If only I could see

    But you do all these things
    That fuck up my brain
    And make me feel so good
    I think I am going insane

    I hate myself
    For what you do to me
    And how you make me feel
    I am lost in misery

    Because you have her
    But you use me
    And I let you
    What is wrong with me?

    I am a slut and whore
    And I let him come back
    Itís as if I
    Want more

    So I am stuck
    So blinded to see
    Stuck all alone
    With only my misery




    Submitted on 2006-10-19 20:13:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I lke how you started it, all innocent and sweet, kind of two lovers running through a field of flowers kind of then you switch into this dark raunchy direction. Nicely written. Very commendable.

    Quite impressed,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      i sure hope these feelings aren't from experience! at fourteen, you should be at the shopping centre, the movies, having sleepovers with your mates....not fretting over being some losers 'other woman'.
    that aside, it's well written, your hurt came across well, it has good flow and reads with ease. well done!
    now, please smile and some FUN!!!!
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an amazing write. Very well written. It flows and rhymes so nicely. I love it. Wonderfully done. I love the words you used to really expresse you pain and longing. I am adding this to my fav's.
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]
      it was like having great ingredients in a watered down soup......great points and expression, but no foundation......the broth must be rich enough iluminate those high qualities.......it didn't feel original, but i think it was only because you lacked substance, deeper metaphore, and more explanations.....try to focus more on the aspects of your pain, and the different emotions and feelings surrounding it......even though i think it should be revised, very well done for your age, keep that chin up......on a lesser note i believe cursing does have its place in poetry as long as its tasteful, this was borderline, thank you
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by ropedpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly, I'd just like to say please try to take my criticism with an author's spirit, because I'm only trying to help you. I think this is alright, I suppose but could be a lot better. 1) Curse words do not belong in poetry. I'll admit they have their uses, but this isn't one of them. 2) Like I might've said on your other poem, try and broaden your vocabulary out of that of a fourteen year-old because this is a bit average. 3) Personally, this doesn't really feel original. I think I must've read six other poems that sound a lot like this. So sorry.
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Aurora-Borealis | [ Reply to This ]
      This so saddens me. Fourteen and into being [censored]ed up by lust/love/peer pressure, whatever. You should get out more and into less intimate moments. Slow down on writing depressive poetry. It may be very well done but these connections are surely too soon for a youngster of your age. So sorry.

    Donald
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      very well done.. can't say I've been there but you made me feel as if I were, I hope things get better for you if this is a for instant for you..but always remember be true to yourself.. you matter if not to anyone please matter to your self thats were it always beginning and ends.. your a bright ray of sun shine waiting to burst out and be free.

    hope all is well .. and will be looking for more of your work... Penny
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my God!! This describes every thing I am feeling right now! I am experiencing this at this very moment. I love the way you expressed the pain and misery, cause thats what it really is. I have never in my life read something that has matched up to my exact feelings, this is definetly one to add to my faves. Love it, keep up the wonderful work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]


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