i sure hope these feelings aren't from experience! at fourteen, you should be at the shopping centre, the movies, having sleepovers with your mates....not fretting over being some losers 'other woman'. that aside, it's well written, your hurt came across well, it has good flow and reads with ease. well done! now, please smile and some FUN!!!! whirl**
This is an amazing write. Very well written. It flows and rhymes so nicely. I love it. Wonderfully done. I love the words you used to really expresse you pain and longing. I am adding this to my fav's.
it was like having great ingredients in a watered down soup......great points and expression, but no foundation......the broth must be rich enough iluminate those high qualities.......it didn't feel original, but i think it was only because you lacked substance, deeper metaphore, and more explanations.....try to focus more on the aspects of your pain, and the different emotions and feelings surrounding it......even though i think it should be revised, very well done for your age, keep that chin up......on a lesser note i believe cursing does have its place in poetry as long as its tasteful, this was borderline, thank you
Firstly, I'd just like to say please try to take my criticism with an author's spirit, because I'm only trying to help you. I think this is alright, I suppose but could be a lot better. 1) Curse words do not belong in poetry. I'll admit they have their uses, but this isn't one of them. 2) Like I might've said on your other poem, try and broaden your vocabulary out of that of a fourteen year-old because this is a bit average. 3) Personally, this doesn't really feel original. I think I must've read six other poems that sound a lot like this. So sorry.
This so saddens me. Fourteen and into being [censored]ed up by lust/love/peer pressure, whatever. You should get out more and into less intimate moments. Slow down on writing depressive poetry. It may be very well done but these connections are surely too soon for a youngster of your age. So sorry.
very well done.. can't say I've been there but you made me feel as if I were, I hope things get better for you if this is a for instant for you..but always remember be true to yourself.. you matter if not to anyone please matter to your self thats were it always beginning and ends.. your a bright ray of sun shine waiting to burst out and be free.
hope all is well .. and will be looking for more of your work... Penny
Oh my God!! This describes every thing I am feeling right now! I am experiencing this at this very moment. I love the way you expressed the pain and misery, cause thats what it really is. I have never in my life read something that has matched up to my exact feelings, this is definetly one to add to my faves. Love it, keep up the wonderful work.