Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Sin


Author: Max R.
Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 33 /29 /17
Words: 117
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 593
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 707



Description:




The Sin



He said I was his sin
He said he didn't care
He said he'd begin
and hoped i didn't scare

Now im on the bed
He's climbing off of me
my eyes are running red
This isnt how it should be

He's saying i was good
says i should be proud
I'd kill him could
how will i face the crowd?

I hate his stupid house
i hate his stupid wife
i wish he was a mouse
so i could end his life

i'm supposed to trust you
my love is wearing thin
nothing you say is true
you said i was your sin

but i want to be your son.




Submitted on 2006-10-19 22:45:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  good god man. brutally honest here. a little graphic but nothing that jonathan davis didnt already say years ago. if this happened to you this is good for you, to be sharing and getting this out. if not you are just sick...-sin
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]
  ummmm i liked the poem, but it made me want to cry. I hope things better for you, man.

Katty
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by hellsangel | [ Reply to This ]
  okay WFT!?!?!?!?!?!?! what the hell is this about? i get the impression that this is about child molestation but i dont know....but its good none the less.....
| Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by Master Bates | [ Reply to This ]
  it had good flow and a nice even rythem.....next time work on the touch ups a tad and perhaps give more to it..........i felt like i was picked up and dropped awfully fast.....give it more base, but all in all i was impressed
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by ropedpoet | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



122130