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    dots Submission Name: Daddy's Girldots

    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    26/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476/419/138
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 240

       SOmething random I wrote in creative writing. We were suposed to take our inspiration from the song "Cat's in the Craddle" if you never heard it it is about a boy wanting to be like his father but him never really being there. Anyway, please comment. Enjoy.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDaddy's Girldots

    Daddy what’s that?
    Daddy how do you do that?
    Daddy can I eat what you have?
    Daddy will you tuck me in bed,
    and read me a story?
    Daddy can I be like you
    when I grow up?
    Daddy . . .?

    Submitted on 2006-10-20 13:05:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Now this is great! It caught me off guard! Wonderful work! You did it perfectly for having to describe a child wanting to be like their father, but him never being there. I couldn't have done a better job myself, bravo!

    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with siradrian. i wouldn't change a single word. it's nice and compact, says what you wanted it to say. don't change it or add to it, it's exactly as it should be.
    great poem.
    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      No, no, no.! This is just great as it is. Why do so many people want to take a little gem and turn it into a lump of Stonehenge stone? You have genuinely captured the "Why?" element that is so tied up and inescapable in the child, the "Can I?" constant repetition that makes them children. This is a double whammy - an absolute "WOW"!!!

    Thanks for a great write
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree and disagree, I like that it's short, but in that I don't like that it does not tie to anything else, it seems to have a tangent, but nothing tangible...

    Though it gives me this image of a cradle in a dark room, with a little girl speaking into darkness...
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Nihilist Weasel | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow thats...interesting. I think you coudl have opened it up a little more. I like that it's short and it really hit me, but I think you coudl elaborated a little more on the story.
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]

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