[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Chaosdots

    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 484
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 526

       I'm not sure when I wrote this, but I came across it last night. It has plenty of room for improvement, but its still mine, and I'm not ashamed of anything I write =P

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I've lost who I am,
    Among all the lies,
    Secrets destroy my heart,
    I can't fight the urge to cry.

    My mind is dazed,
    Because I can't recall,
    Where I last seen it,
    I've lost it all.

    My angel left me here,
    Without any hope,
    There's no one to save me,
    And no way to cope.

    These dreams torment me,
    Even when I am awake,
    They encourage these tears,
    And convince me I'm fake.

    Submitted on 2006-10-20 14:14:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a very good start to a great poem, but I do think you can elaborate more. The rhyming is catchy, but you need more context. I would suggest expanding on why you feel so lost, who your angel is, and especially your dreams. Dreams are such powerful things, and they are often very vivid. It would be great if you could put some of that vivid imagery into this piece. As I said before, this poem is very good as it is, but it leaves the reader longing for more.
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Fasade written by jackz
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]