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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chaosdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 526



    Description:
       I'm not sure when I wrote this, but I came across it last night. It has plenty of room for improvement, but its still mine, and I'm not ashamed of anything I write =P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChaosdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've lost who I am,
    Among all the lies,
    Secrets destroy my heart,
    I can't fight the urge to cry.

    My mind is dazed,
    Because I can't recall,
    Where I last seen it,
    I've lost it all.

    My angel left me here,
    Without any hope,
    There's no one to save me,
    And no way to cope.

    These dreams torment me,
    Even when I am awake,
    They encourage these tears,
    And convince me I'm fake.




    Submitted on 2006-10-20 14:14:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a very good start to a great poem, but I do think you can elaborate more. The rhyming is catchy, but you need more context. I would suggest expanding on why you feel so lost, who your angel is, and especially your dreams. Dreams are such powerful things, and they are often very vivid. It would be great if you could put some of that vivid imagery into this piece. As I said before, this poem is very good as it is, but it leaves the reader longing for more.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]


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