Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Max R.
Elite Ratio:    3.14 - 33 /29 /17
Words: 86
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 568
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 555



One boy, one girl
two hearts beating freely
for a while they had it all
then life intervined
and said it coulnt be

That one boy
grew up to be a man
and was forver angry
he stole that car
and landed in jail
always thinking of

That one girl
grew into a woman
and was always drunk
she stole that money
and was always thinking of that

One boy, one girl
two hearts beating freely
for a while they had it all...

Submitted on 2006-10-20 15:34:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  okay this is a small story here. not bad either. a good read, coming of age is good subject matter anytime cause it can be related to by people of all walks of life. this one is well put though. i like it. from the heart is the only way to be. thanks -sin
| Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by sinmore | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?