[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: *One Determining Nightdots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 771
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 4224

       this is my first short story...im not sure if it turned out the way i thought it would be tell me what you think anyways.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*One Determining Nightdots

    "Does my hair look ok?" This is what Miria asked as she finished preparing for the prom. You see prom night was the night she had been looking forward to for her whole high school career. The guy she liked for 3 years finally took notice of her and asked her to go with him 2 weeks prior. Of course, she got the most appealing dress in the store regardless of the price. Her parents had money and it didn't matter the cost as long as their little girl was jovial. It was a beautiful, strapless gown in a pale pink colour, with clear diamonds all over, sparkling in the light every which way.
    "Of course it does sweetie. I can't remember a time when it hasn't," replied her mother honestly becasue her dauther has always been very beautiful. With her silky blonde hair cut half-way down her back. But tonite she had it up in a polished up-do.
    Satisfyed with her mother's answer, Miria began on her make-up. starting with her brand new cover-up her mother got custom-made at CoverGirl where she works.
    After finishing up her make-up she was ready to go. Slipping on her shoes and hopping into the limo with her date, Nick. She had so many butterflies in her stomache and frogs in her throat she was almost nauseous.
    But soon enough she entered the prom her sexy date on her arm in his tux. I am the envy of every girl in the room she thought as they entered.
    "Let's dance." Nick said. As they headed to the dance floor she could feel the pairs of eyes on her. Miria enjoying all of the attention danced her heart out. After about an hour or two of dancing Nick offered to get her a drink.
    "Sure. Just make sure it is non-alcoholic 'cause I don't drink."
    Two minutes later he returned with two drinks in his hands.
    "Thanks" she replied reaching for the drink in his left hand.
    "Woah. That mine." he said giving her the one in his right instead.
    The rest of the night she scarcely remembers. Dancing, and resting only for a few seconds and then dancing some more.

    The next morning Miria was feeling a little out of it. Just a bit dazed but she though nothing of it. She had troubles remembering the end of the night, she doesn't even remember coming home or leaving the dance at all for that matter. But at least I had fun she thought.

    A few weeks later she woke up with a start and ran to the bathroom. She barely made it in time. I was weird Miria had never before been sick in her life, never had she had the chicken pox, the flu, or even the common cold. Later on that day when she was feeling a bit better she was checking her calander and noticed something peculiar, she was a week late for her period and she had NEVER been late for a period. She pondered over this for a while and came to one conclusion: I must be pregnant!
    She couldn't even think about it, the thought made her feel queasy. It wasn't possible, she was a virgin. She had never had sex in her life. Even though she knew what the answer was going to be she took a pregnacy test anyways. Two hours later she knew her future had taken a turn for the worse. She WAS pregnant.
    When she thought long and hard about it there was only one explaination: she must have been raped after the prom. She has never engaged in sexual intercourse, that she can remember.
    "I can't believe it!" she said aloud to herself just realising what had actully happened at the prom. She had been druged and raped by the guy she had longed to notice her for so long. Nick, he was the father of her baby, the guy who took away her virginity without her even knowing it.
    Her life changed after that one night, her future now looked dim and gloomy. Having a baby fresh out of highschool meant she couldn't go to collage or work right away. She was there for her baby, Karen. And soon enough Karen became all that she had. Two years later though Miria went back to collage and began her life all over again with her darling baby girl, hoping that this time the road to sucess will be a lot less bumpy and rough.

    Submitted on 2006-10-20 19:27:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it was uh ok. Not incredible, but still a nice piece. could have more imagery and more story, could be longer and more detailed. also more development of the charecters. And of course more work on structure. The piece wasn't bad, i liked the idea, however you didn't really do anything with it after she was raped. It was good and it showed potential, but still needs work.

    one spelling error: "she ws a virgin"

    should be wasn't
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by mikepyro7 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was writen well and for being your first time I say it was great! Next time I would put in a little more detail towards the end, it made you wander what happend to that jerk and how she was treated at school when people found out what happend but over all it was a great write.
    kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
    Your not only good at writing poetry you are a natural at story writing
    This story has a strong message and once again as with all your writes you are reaching out to help your peers understand that sometimes life aint fair be careful
    I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You did an outstanding job with this
    The structure and the words and the message are perfect!!!
    I look forward to reading more stories from you
    You never cease to amaze me with your talent
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]