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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I hate the way you aredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic_tragedy6
    ASL Info:    25/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 114/153/74
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 306



    Description:
       Another quick poem. Thoughts plz!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI hate the way you aredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hate the way:
    You smile.
    You laugh.
    The way you make me feel okay,
    even for just awhile.
    You talk.
    You dress.
    You walk.
    The way you try to impress.
    You are so blinded to see.
    But most of all,
    I hate the way you remind me of me.




    Submitted on 2006-10-20 23:51:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very well written. The last live caught me off guard, nice twist there. Very full of emotion and it seems to me they change as you get closer to the end, love the mix. Keep up the wonderful works.

    ~KiKi
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem, short, quick, smart, good form.
    even the flow was ok,
    I like the You remined me of me.
    and I like the irony of the whole piece. (hate/envy)

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch! So unexpected and such sharp comment in so short a poem.
    Some might suggest this is too short but I would say that it packs a powerful punch because you have not produced a meaningless string of verbiage.
    I think that the "unbalance" of the lines give this piece of work a well-crafted structure

    The word "awhile" might possibly read better as "a while" but either is correct.
    Thanks.
    Donald
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]


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