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    dots Submission Name: some lovesongdots

    Author: shootingstar
    ASL Info:    22/f/hell
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 102/120/21
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1327
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 809

       umm...i think this, as well as all my other attempts at love poetry, is just not.... i dunno something is not right. they always end up sad.*sigh* my style i suppose

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssome lovesongdots

    your kisses on my shoulders
    sending shivers down my spine
    i'd drop this wall and show you
    if you'd tell me that you're mine

    in this uncertain mist i travel
    hoping for a simple sign
    only tales of sorrow whisper
    as the winds begin to whine

    the claws you scrape accross me
    make me ache for passions pain
    like every time the game is lost
    your lips give life again

    but my attitude's untrusting
    though i'm tangled in your mind
    as the conversation spirals
    to a place i've left behind

    in this unfamiliar sunlight
    where our words are intertwined
    i would bear my soul in silence
    if you'd tell me that you're mine

    Submitted on 2004-05-26 12:14:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Another superb poem! It portrays perfectly the sadness and the yearning of love, yet also the bliss of it. Super duper! Lol, I'm gonna become your bloody stalker :O!
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by Shuurinakisame | [ Reply to This ]
      Very simple, not very challenging but I absolutely like the title you know: "some lovesong" - drawing in and exact to the content. Style could be better, but I like your content related side - it's just in the right place. Keep writing and don't get discouraged easily!
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of many poems that I wrote when I was about your age. I would love to tell you it will get better, but I haven't quite reached that point yet myself. As for your poetry though, you have great potential, and I think it will grow into something even more beautiful than it already is. Keep writing, its very therapuetic and you have a knack for it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this i am one of those people that love anything about love . keep up the good work and i will try to look at some of your other work.
    | Posted on 2004-05-26 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]

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