Description: umm...i think this, as well as all my other attempts at love poetry, is just not.... i dunno something is not right. they always end up sad.*sigh* my style i suppose
some lovesong -------------------------------------------
your kisses on my shoulders
sending shivers down my spine
i'd drop this wall and show you
if you'd tell me that you're mine
in this uncertain mist i travel
hoping for a simple sign
only tales of sorrow whisper
as the winds begin to whine
the claws you scrape accross me
make me ache for passions pain
like every time the game is lost
your lips give life again
but my attitude's untrusting
though i'm tangled in your mind
as the conversation spirals
to a place i've left behind
in this unfamiliar sunlight
where our words are intertwined
i would bear my soul in silence
if you'd tell me that you're mine
Another superb poem! It portrays perfectly the sadness and the yearning of love, yet also the bliss of it. Super duper! Lol, I'm gonna become your bloody stalker :O!
Very simple, not very challenging but I absolutely like the title you know: "some lovesong" - drawing in and exact to the content. Style could be better, but I like your content related side - it's just in the right place. Keep writing and don't get discouraged easily!
This reminds me of many poems that I wrote when I was about your age. I would love to tell you it will get better, but I haven't quite reached that point yet myself. As for your poetry though, you have great potential, and I think it will grow into something even more beautiful than it already is. Keep writing, its very therapuetic and you have a knack for it.
Submission Name: some lovesong
