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    dots Submission Name: *Looking Forwarddots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 508

       i dont really think that the last line fits but if u have ant suggestions plewse let me know..hopee u enjoy

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots*Looking Forwarddots

    opening up wounds
    revealing the past
    remembering tragedies
    and feeling downcast

    breaking of hearts
    and tearing of dreams
    with hopes demolished
    wounding selfesteems

    ripping and stomping
    til you're broken inside
    feeling like shit
    'til you run and hide

    keep the past the past
    looking into the future
    your destiny is not prewritten
    It's all an adventure

    Submitted on 2006-10-21 21:02:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think the repitition of the past lowers its worth, the last line doesnt quite fit and the flow could use some work, here is subtle, yet still seemingly forced rhymes that I think could be worked on other then that great job.

    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      heh yea the last line definitely feels out of place.
    "keep the past the past
    looking into the future
    your destiny is not prewritten
    its a fine line of literature"lol it's the first think that came to mind when i reread it..but maybe it doesn't fit in with the concept.
    anyway..i liked it.it seemed like a poetic-old-performing-arts kinda feeling.and of course a heartbreak of some sort.is it just called untitled or does it still need a title?
    eitherway i thought it was pretty cool.i feel like this alot.only because life is filled with hearts breaking & thoughts unraveling to depression.
    but the past is important coz i think someday it'll just solve our future.
    keep writing!coz yes...i enjoyed
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by _Dancing_Alone_ | [ Reply to This ]

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