[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: EYE TO EYEdots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Rant/Serious
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1284

       i dont really write about me this is an example of what happens when i do some thing diffrent i didnt clean this up at all i am guilty of changing a work alot before i am pleased this just flowed out and here it is so tell me what you think im not sure i know what i think hmmmm

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEYE TO EYEdots

    Every time it comes to me it is the same
    Like I wrote it
    And not like now
    But back when I wrote all night
    In a haze
    Back when I didnt change anything
    Its like a sleepless dream
    Im sitting on the front porch
    Smoking the nights last cigarette
    I hear a bike
    My brain searches for a time
    A lil late to be B
    I realize it must be when the headlight disappears
    I dont get up
    Damn he parked behind my car
    I glance up from my chipped nail polish
    thats not B
    Your hand fumbles at your chin strap
    I cant breath
    Pain in my chest stops any movement briefly
    Then I am up my fingers on the doorknob
    I turn and am blind for a second
    As the helmet slips away I choke
    There is still tape at your mouth
    Dark blue lines on porcelain
    I scream but it gets lost somewhere
    I reach in my pocket
    Wheres the ring
    Its gone
    I sold it years ago
    Your voice is familiar but shattered
    You did this
    You broke my heart
    The air comes back to me
    The steam from the bath water fogs my glasses
    I reach for my towel and curse softly to myself

    Submitted on 2006-10-21 23:45:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]