I enjoy your poetry very much but you seem like you are trying to hard to come up with rhymes. If I could give some input I would like for you if you read alot which most poets do write down any words that you don't understand and look them up. I find that reading random words out of the dictionary helps me to create new poems. Sometimes I will just read about 20 to 25 words and memorize what they mean and it helps me when I get the feeling that I need to write. Please take my advice I find that it helps alot. This poem is very well written and I know that you will only get better as time passes. Keep up the good work.