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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vanity in Imperfectionsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic_tragedy6
    ASL Info:    25/F/OR
    Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 114/155/74
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Mirror or Mask
    Total Views: 813
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 800



    Description:
       A poem about trying to hide your flaws. Very close to me. Thougts please...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVanity in Imperfectionsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dark eyeliner
    Lines her eyes
    Trying to cover the mistakes
    Trying to conceal the lies

    Tight clothes
    Her body revealed
    Trying to make the guys
    Make here feel how she wants to feel

    Diamonds in her ears
    Sparkling a way
    Her emotions and fears
    If only for a day

    Vanity in imperfections
    It's a disease
    Her own inner infection
    To put her mind at ease

    But her secrets
    are slowing coming out
    Leaking her emotions
    Fears and self-doubt

    She can hide
    No longer
    Exposed to all
    Her pain gets stronger

    Her defences finally failed
    Everyone knows the real her
    Her true colors unvailed




    Submitted on 2006-10-22 20:50:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this! I love the rhyme and how it just flows. I love your poetry because it captures so much pain into words- I remember that pain, searching, and emptiness...
    | Posted on 2006-12-02 00:00:00 | by iKnowWhoIAmNow | [ Reply to This ]
      you are a great poet. i absolutely LOVE your work. "Her defences finally failed
    Everyone knows the real her
    Her true colors unvailed"
    strong finish. keep it up and i'll keep reading..
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2006-11-24 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      Tight clothes
    Her body revealed
    Trying to make the guys
    Make here feel how she wants to feel

    really like this stanza. very nice i think you could change the neding a bit i know it ended but it didnt feel like it ended really, you know?

    Adios,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-11-19 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy your poetry very much but you seem like you are trying to hard to come up with rhymes. If I could give some input I would like for you if you read alot which most poets do write down any words that you don't understand and look them up. I find that reading random words out of the dictionary helps me to create new poems. Sometimes I will just read about 20 to 25 words and memorize what they mean and it helps me when I get the feeling that I need to write. Please take my advice I find that it helps alot. This poem is very well written and I know that you will only get better as time passes. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Misread_Word | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me sad.

    "Dark eyeliner
    Lines her eyes
    Trying to cover the mistakes
    Trying to conceal the lies"

    I wear tons of make-up everyday(even when im alone). I get the metaphor and it works great because of how people are always trying to cover imperfections or change who they are.

    "Vanity in imperfections
    It's a disease
    Her own inner infection
    To put her mind at ease"

    I think that was my favorite part. It was worded perfectly and I love how much this can say in few words.

    I thought this was great and im sure that many people will be able to relate to this so thanx for sharing it.

    ~Samm
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


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