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    dots Submission Name: About youdots

    Author: Toxic
    Elite Ratio:    0.83 - 14/13/10
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 353
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 472

       every one will want to change you. no matter how great you are....inside

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbout youdots

    Plastic makes up a Barbie
    A barbie is notthing but a toy
    Just another teenage dirtbag for another boy,
    Dress me up, Dress me down
    You flipped my world
    So a smile is really a fown
    You say you changed me for the better
    Yeah. Ok. Whatever

    You say you know me like back of your hand
    But I dont think thats true
    Do you know I write Poems?
    Just like all the other ones this one is about you.

    Submitted on 2006-10-22 20:55:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Good stuff. brought back many memories from when i was young. Especially like the lines
    You flipped my world
    So a smile is really a frown (you missed the r out by the way)
    However i agree with the above comment- leaving out the last stanze, i definatly think the first stanza is very powerful.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Carlie | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice concept.
    i think if i were to improve it, i'd start with deciding rather or not it should be rhyme or prose. if you decide to rhyme then make sure you've got the rhythm down. however, i think this would be much more pleasurable if it were prose. right now it seems to be somewhere inbetween and that kind of through me off a bit.

    also, i would consider leaving out the last stanza. the first stanza could really be more effective alone.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by c.sharp | [ Reply to This ]
      Cute. Kinda like a Barbie doll paradox. I'm sorry for the way that you are treated. It feels that this person that you wrote it for is hurting you. Wish that I couldhelp. Very Good write.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Misread_Word | [ Reply to This ]

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