Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: About youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic
    Elite Ratio:    0.83 - 14/13/10
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 348
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 472



    Description:
       every one will want to change you. no matter how great you are....inside


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbout youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Plastic makes up a Barbie
    A barbie is notthing but a toy
    Just another teenage dirtbag for another boy,
    Dress me up, Dress me down
    You flipped my world
    So a smile is really a fown
    You say you changed me for the better
    Yeah. Ok. Whatever

    You say you know me like back of your hand
    But I dont think thats true
    Do you know I write Poems?
    Just like all the other ones this one is about you.




    Submitted on 2006-10-22 20:55:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good stuff. brought back many memories from when i was young. Especially like the lines
    You flipped my world
    So a smile is really a frown (you missed the r out by the way)
    However i agree with the above comment- leaving out the last stanze, i definatly think the first stanza is very powerful.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Carlie | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice concept.
    i think if i were to improve it, i'd start with deciding rather or not it should be rhyme or prose. if you decide to rhyme then make sure you've got the rhythm down. however, i think this would be much more pleasurable if it were prose. right now it seems to be somewhere inbetween and that kind of through me off a bit.

    also, i would consider leaving out the last stanza. the first stanza could really be more effective alone.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by c.sharp | [ Reply to This ]
      Cute. Kinda like a Barbie doll paradox. I'm sorry for the way that you are treated. It feels that this person that you wrote it for is hurting you. Wish that I couldhelp. Very Good write.
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by Misread_Word | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    122453

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry